Addicted to Porn? How Counselling Can Help Pornography Addiction
Dr. Sheri Jacobson
March 4, 2023
Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil: The Hidden Hurts of Pornography Addiction
Pornography: What is Porn Addiction?
Porn. The mere mention of the word can leave both men and women feeling hot under the collar but for very different reasons. While some view it as a natural and perfectly healthy activity, others view it as on a par with infidelity and of the utmost disrespect to women. Some couples watch it to spice up a fledging sex life, whilst others use it to gain relief from the stresses and strains of the day, but what happens when the occasional watch turns into a daily battle affecting your relationships, your work and your happiness. What happens when it’s not about feeling stressed and needing a release but about being unable to simply function?
Like with all addictions what can start as a bad habit can lead quickly into a vicious cycle of behaviour in which the addiction at hand starts to take over you day-to-day life. We may neglect those important to us such as our partners and our friends and families and we may similarly find that we lose interest in careers, hobbies and our general health and wellbeing as we become more compelled to watch porn. Consequently, acknowledging you have a problem is an important first step in changing destructive behaviours.
Symptoms & How it Develops
Like with all addictions, an addiction to porn develops in just the same way. Your first few experiences with porn were probably very rewarding. You might have felt a great sense of relief after a hard day. This positive first experience will have not gone unnoticed by your brain. Consequently, you may have started to experience what feels like uncontrollable urges to repeat that same sexually satisfying experience and as you do, the connection between watching porn and gaining sexual satisfaction (or relief) becomes positively enforced. This results in the urges to watch porn becoming more and more powerful and more frequent. You may find that even doing something similar as when you watch porn can illicit sexual thoughts – a perfect example would be sitting at the computer! As this cycle starts to deepen you may find yourself spending increasingly more time watching porn, perhaps requiring more extreme pornographic material or finding that you are unable to have sex without the use of pornography.
Good questions to see if you having a problem with porn are:
- Does your use beyond your control? Have you tried to stop and failed?
- You feel a host of negative emotions after watching porn – such as shame, depression, remorse and guilt?
- You go to great lengths to watch porn such as coming home early from work ?
- Do you feel unable to think of anything else other than porn even when you are not using pornography?
- Do you spend large amounts of time watching porn?
- Is watching porn having negative consequences on other areas of your life? Are you not turning up for work? Or neglecting your partner?
- Are you watching porn in inappropriate places i.e. at work?
- Have you spent large amounts of money on porn?
- Do you suffer from anxiety when not watching porn?
If the answer is yes to one or more of these questions then seeking help can be a crucial step in preventing further damage. But what help exists? Won’t it be embarrassing to talk to someone else about my use of porn and whether I’m addicted to porn?
Treatment Options
Although many of us find it embarrassing discussing our sex lives with those around us, talking to a trained counselling psychologist trained in addiction or a therapist trained in sexual problems can help. It is important to remember that counsellors and therapists are not here to judge and they have a great amount of experience in handling these matters with sensitivity and compassion. They can help you to gain some perspective as it can be easy to see no way out of vicious cycles. They can help you to:
- Identify triggers and high risk situations
- Re-negotiate relationships and friendships
- Manage cravings to watch porn
- Manage any underlying causes such as stress, anger, depression or anxiety and develop coping strategies for future problems
- Identify pleasurable activities away from pornography
- Help you to lead a healthier re-balanced life
- Explore past relationships and views on sex
Sometimes trying to fight all the problems that we face can be overwhelming and we need the support of trained professionals, as well as our family and friends to get through it. Although you might be feeling embarrassed about talking to a stranger about your problems, be sure to remember that your counsellor is there to help and not to judge. If you would like to know more about the services offered at Harley Therapy in helping those who are addicted to porn and/or experiencing another form, please call or email to enquire more.
You can also visit our sister site harleytherapy.com to find trained, professional therapists who specialise in addiction, sexual difficulties and other issues to book a session and talk to a counsellor confidentially.
I have become addicted to porn on the internet. It’s been 2 years having gone through some extremely difficult times, no excuse, and still going though these times. I am a practicing Christian and really need help. It’s effecting every part of my life to extent i have almost given up hope . Only God is holding me together. If you can help please let me know?
Sonny
Bless you Sonny for being brave enough to want to seek support. First of all, you are not your addiction. We say that just because part of the horror of addiction is losing yourself to it, mistaking yourself for it, and then being unbearably hard on yourself and losing any sight of self worth. Addiction is an illness, and you are not the illness, you are a person with an illness. Addiction often happens because we are in so much pain inside we seek something to distract, or because we feel so disconnected from others and the world. It might be that your recent hard times have also triggered old, long buried emotions over childhood trauma, too. We’d recommend counselling and/or a support group. Support groups are usually free. But counselling helps you in a much deeper way, because you can get to the roots of what drives your behaviour (and might be causing you other problems in life, too). A good counsellor, by the way, especially a sex counsellor, won’t even flinch at anything you share, they would have heard it all before and are completely non judgemental (you might want to refrain from a church counsellor who might bring judgement as that is the last thing that helps anyone). SAA (sex addicts anonymous) has support groups worldwide.Read our article on low cost counselling if you are on a tight budget https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/low-cost-therapy-free-counselling-services.htm And as you are in the UK, you can also call your local Mind Health charity for advise on finding support and counselling locally.
Hi Harley, my friend went to his sister’s wedding and was a big fight. he got very upset and started to shak very bad and went to shock. took him to the hospital and was there for 20 days.. he is a little bit better but still move very slow and not talking. what can I do to help him and how long do you think he will be like this?? thanks
Hello, this would not be just emotional shock, it sounds like he had some sort of breakdown or a physical illness that was triggered by emotional upset? It sounds more like a stroke than anything. Of course we can’t say given just a comment. But we’d suggest you look at our piece on Emotional Shock and trauma which explain it all clearly. If it’s just emotional shock it takes up to 6 weeks to clear.
Hi halery
What is your advice to the people that can’t do sex because of the environment that they were live how to stop watching porn how to defeat their sexual desire
Trying to defeat anything never works but makes it worst. The first thing is acceptance. Accept that you are a sexual being with sexual desires. And drop the self judgement. Often if we are in limited environments what seem ‘sexual urges’ are actually just your mind seeking to avoid facing up to your unhappiness. Porn addiction is a way to avoid pain and unhappiness. So take a good look at yourself and your life and get honest about how you really feel about things. What are you actually unhappy about? What would you like to change in life? What changes can you make to become happier? And do keep physically fit. Exercise releases pent up energy and also provides endorphins, which is a healthier way to get an endorphin hit than addictive behaviours.
I’m 22 year old iv been watching porn for 9 years now.I really want to quit porn is like a drug it’s hard to quit.i don’t wanna start buying hookers but I might to stop watching porn on the internet. If anyone has ideas let me know.
It’s much harder for young people these days as porn is everywhere and highly accessible. Sadly, it’s shown that watching porn from a young age can make it hard to connect with partners in person or to take interest in real intimacy. Which can feel super lonely. Addiction is not something a ‘good idea’ will get rid of. It comes from emotional pain. And the pain needs your attention. What has to happen here is support. Do whatever it takes to find some. We don’t know what country you live in, but most have free support in place for young people. Google for support groups, counselling for young people, and free help lines/chat lines in your area, including those directly for porn addiction. You deserve support. You are worth it. Please find it. We wish you courage.
I would just like to point out that free therapy is available from the NHS. If anyone needs therapy
and is not wealthy, they need to know this.
Keep well
Pete
We mention it often, we also have a popular article on how to find free to low cost counselling otherwise, particularly given the NHS waiting lists are so often so ridiculous… we know people who have received calls over a year later to see if they still want therapy, given the urgency of mental health issues and what it takes for people to reach out for help it’s a disgrace. we also have an article of free help lines in the UK. Best, HT.
Porn addiction refers to a compulsive and unhealthy relationship with pornography that can have negative impacts on an individual’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. It is characterized by the inability to control or limit the consumption of pornographic material, leading to disruption in daily life and relationships.
Porn addiction typically involves a cycle of escalating behavior, where individuals feel the need to consume increasingly explicit or stimulating material to achieve the same level of satisfaction or arousal. This can lead to a distorted view of sexual relationships, unrealistic expectations, and desensitization to real-life intimacy.
Some common signs and symptoms of porn addiction include:
1. Compulsive behavior: Spending excessive amounts of time seeking out and consuming pornography, often at the expense of other important life activities such as work, relationships, and self-care.
2. Tolerance: Needing more and more explicit or extreme content to achieve the same level of arousal or satisfaction as before.
3. Withdrawal symptoms: Experiencing anxiety, irritability, or restlessness when attempting to cut back or stop consuming pornography.
4. Failed attempts to quit: Repeatedly trying to stop or reduce porn consumption without success, often leading to feelings of guilt, shame, and frustration.
5. Neglecting responsibilities and relationships: Neglecting work, school, family, or social obligations due to excessive pornography consumption.
6. Interference with daily life: Feeling preoccupied with sexual thoughts or fantasies, experiencing difficulty concentrating, and having impaired performance in various areas of life.
7. Relationship problems: Porn addiction can strain relationships, leading to decreased intimacy, trust issues, and conflicts with partners.
It is important to note that while pornography itself is not inherently addictive, some individuals may develop an addictive relationship with it due to various factors such as underlying psychological issues, boredom, stress, or a desire to escape from reality.
Treatment for porn addiction may involve a combination of therapy, support groups, and lifestyle changes. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be effective in helping individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns, develop healthier coping strategies, and build resilience against triggers. Support groups, such as Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA), can provide a sense of community and understanding.
In addition to seeking professional help, individuals can also take steps to reduce their exposure to pornography, such as using content filtering software, setting boundaries around internet usage, and finding alternative activities to engage in when the urge to consume pornography arises.
It is important to approach the topic of porn addiction with empathy and understanding, as individuals struggling with this issue may experience feelings of shame and isolation. Support from loved ones, as well as professional help, can play a crucial role in overcoming porn addiction and reclaiming a healthier relationship with sexuality and intimacy.
This powerful article sheds light on a sensitive and prevalent issue – addiction to pornography. It highlights the potential harmful effects of this addiction and introduces counselling as a valuable tool in combating it. Counseling can play a critical role in addressing the underlying reasons behind dependency, providing guidance, support, and strategies to overcome such addiction. This article inspires hope by offering a way forward for those struggling, emphasizing that help is available and that seeking professional assistance can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling life.
Porn addiction is a serious issue that affects many individuals around the world. It refers to an excessive and compulsive consumption of pornography, leading to negative consequences in one’s personal and social life. Like any other addiction, it can have a detrimental impact on mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. Porn addiction is often characterized by an increased tolerance, withdrawal symptoms, and an inability to control or stop the consumption of explicit content. It is important to approach this topic with empathy and understanding,