Can’t Stop Crying? And Crying For No Reason?

Hi Joseph, we obviously can’t tell you that as we don’t know you. It could be any of several reasons the article talks about – unresolved past traumas is the most likely, but it could be depression, or dysregulation. Would you consider going to see a counsellor? It would definitely help.

Hi Inca, hope the article helped you understand that.

Hi Joyce, we get his point. Medication only masks symptoms it’s not a long-term solution, it doesn’t get to the root of anything or solve anything, and if he was only given medication without therapy we can only assume you are in America. This is a situation that is starting in the UK, much to our chagrin. His meds had been blocking his emotions, now they are all spilling forth. He has a lot of grief. He’s grieving. He wants time out. It’s interesting how uncomfortable we are as a society with other people’s grief and breakdowns. Sometimes we need to break down to discover truths that help us build ourselves up in better ways. The problem with the church environment is that, no matter how well meaning, it’s invasive. And sometimes it can suffocate someone when they need space to breathe. We’d highly, highly recommend he seek support outside of the church world. (Although note this is his grief. It’s up to him to decide what to do, nobody else). Someone who is in no way related, who can create an environment of total privacy and trust and confidentiality for him to explore this sadness. And we’d recommend people in your church give him his space and respect his choices. If his wife is struggling, we’d recommend she seek counselling herself. Families are working units, the issue is never just with one person but is shared with the unit (note that you say that depression and anxiety runs in his family as if it’s just an illness, it’s more likely even if there is a predilection it runs in the family as there are ongoing patterns of damaging behaviour and long running secrets). But yes, to just reiterate he really really needs support from outside the church community as soon as possible. This sort of breakdown of a religious figure is far from unique, we see it often, the problem with the church community is it puts people like Pastors on pedestals, they then feel pressured to hide or deny half of themselves to be what other people expect them to be, but all those bits of themselves they are denying eventually come up to be reckoned with. Sadness is actually a better case scenario than acting out in other ways like turning to addictions. The danger is that someone can feel they have nobody to turn to as everyone has such expectations of them. Best, HT.

Hi Bartu, we can’t diagnose anything over a comment without knowing someone, sorry. The article covers many reasons for this. When we are sick we feel vulnerable and scared, it might have triggered memories of other times you’ve felt vulnerable and scared, too. Rest up and take care of yourself. Best, HT.

Hi James, you sound worn out, which seems perfectly reasonable given all you have been through. We are surprised this didn’t start earlier. It sounds like your body/brain is desperately trying to get your attention. This can happen if we totally ignore our wellbeing long term. And sounds like you have been in an unhappy situation for a long time and just putting up with it. What is that about? One thing we can assure you is that it’s nothing at all to do with weakness. Where did you learn that men having emotions is weak? Is that true? Or is that something you’ve just blindly believed you need to look at? It takes courage to be emotionally honest and listen to what we need in life. And to set personal boundaries and not let others treat us badly. The alternative is to say nothing and live a life where we put up with things, and as you are experiencing, that tends to have a cost. So then what now? We’d suggest you need someone safe and unbiased to talk to in confidence. We aren’t saying this just as we are a therapy company. We are saying it as you are obviously at breaking point and very unhappy and doesn’t sound you have anyone to talk to. If you are on a budget, we have an article on how to seek free to low cost counselling here http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. And before you go thinking that is weak, to ask for help, we’d suggest it takes a heck of a lot of courage.. ;). So gather up what courage you have and seek support. We truly think it could only help. Best, HT.

Hi Layla, 13 is tough, no doubt about it. On one hand you are starting to grow up, on the other hand people are treating you like a child. And it can feel lonely, as if nobody really understands what you are going through. Plus, you sound like you are sensitive. When we are sensitive we feel everything more acutely than others. We are sorry to hear your therapy didn’t work out. How long did you give it? Therapy doesn’t work instantly, it’s a long-term commitment. Sometimes it’s frustrating, but it’s like life, things that are worth it are not always easy. But of course you need to feel that you can trust your therapist eventually (even though most don’t at first as the very reason you are in therapy tends to be you have trust issues). One thing to keep in mind is that, believe it or not, your mother was 13 once too. So we doubt she’d judge you for crying a lot. If she cared enough to help you get therapy that’s amazing, many kids don’t get that sort of help from parents. If you are still self harming then it’s important you keep reaching out for help. See if your mum can help you find another therapist that you like more. Assuming you are in the UK like us, there are also a lot of great free resources for young people, places you can call, email, or text when you are feeling hopeless, and talk to someone friendly and caring. We have a list here of helplines in the UK which includes the ones that are for teens and young people http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines. Try to take life one day at time. And, we know it can sound cheesy, but see if each day at the end of the day you can write down three things that went okay, no matter how tiny. It’s a way to retrain our brain into seeing that although life can be full of crap, it’s also full of good things, and if we want to experience more of those good things, we have to keep going in life. Best, HT.