Why Do I Feel So Alone Even Though I Have Friends?

Hi Lauren, we can always find reasons if we want them. But at the end of the day, you are still obsessively thinking about this man and it’s causing you anxiety. So this means it’s a bigger issue. Please do consider calling those hotlines or booking a session with a therapist. You’ve been through a lot with losing your father, you could use real support.

That’s really kind Haley, we really appreciate the feedback. Best, Andrea M. Darcy (editor and lead writer, I wrote this article!).

Hi Laura, we’d suggest a therapy that focuses on relating. Check out our article on therapies like this here (it’s an article purportedly about love, but these types of therapy help with all kinds of relating, not just romance) http://bit.ly/findlovetherapy Best, Ht.

Moses, half the battle is understanding why we are lonely. So if three made you cry, then it is some ways a good thing, as now you know what the issue is and can work to find the answer. And the good thing is this sort of issue, having grown up in a family environment you were never encouraged or allowed to be yourself, or you had to ‘earn’ love, to the extent you don’t even know how to be yourself as an adult? It can change. It is not a permanent thing. Things that are learned can be unlearned, and we can try new ways of being instead. Of course it requires commitment and hard work. It doesn’t change overnight. Start reading books about self awareness, start journalling, practicing mindfulness, learning about yourself. And we’d highly advise you start working with a therapist. Therapy is all about getting to know the real you. There is something about the way a therapist listens and the safety of the therapy room where suddenly it’s like we see ourselves in totally new ways. Best, HT.

Hi Ryan, you’ve got to seek support. Anxiety and paranoia to the point you quit your job is serious and you need to treat it as such. You also sound like you are really struggling with self esteem. Is it possible for you to find some counselling? Use our article on finding free to low cost counselling here http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. A therapist will help you learn new ways of relating that help you feel safer and calmer, so you feel more able to talk to people. And can help you work on your upset around your family and past. And if you are feeling really low please consider using a free help line. The volunteers are happy to help. You can find a list of free help lines in the UK here http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines and if you aren’t in the UK google for one in your area. Best, HT.

Hi there. Loneliness can be tough, and it sounds like you are lonely, so we totally get that it can feel overwhelming. Try to go easy on yourself. You use the word “should”. There is really no ‘should’. It’s your life, you are free to choose how you are going to live it. Whether or not you binge watch TV is up to you. But what we’d say here is that sourcing our happiness on someone else never works. Your happiness is and always will be your responsibility. It can be hard to fully accept that, but once we do, then our life really starts to change. If you only feel happy if a certain other person is around, that’s a big red flag there are issues that you need to work on, such as a sense of self, your identity, or your esteem. These are all great things to work on in therapy. If there were any red flags about the K dramas it would be if you actually think that real life is like them. Hopefully you are aware that it’s not. Movies and film are simply movies and film, they do not offer healthy interpretations of real life and real relating, not even close, in fact they often offer such false interpretations we can drive ourselves crazy if we don’t realise the difference and are waiting for life to be like a movie! Unlike movies, love does not fall out of the sky, it doesn’t save us from ourselves (only we can do that), nor is it healthy to focus our sense of self around another and nor is this love or real friendship, this is codependency, something else entirely. We have several articles on here about what love really is and healthy relating, use the search bar to find them if interested, we think they might be helpful. Best, HT.

Hi Aubrey, first of all, it’s okay to feel lonely, misunderstood, and sad. These are all perfectly valid feelings. It doesn’t mean there is anything ‘wrong’ with you. In fact we all feel this way at some point, particularly if we are a teenager, when we are trying to figure out who we are, and are dealing with hormones, a growing brain, and the thought of one day soon being independent. So sometimes it can really help to say, this is okay. In this moment I feel sad and lonely and that’s okay. And just let ourselves feel that way without judging. It’s the same for thoughts. Thought are not who you are. They are just thoughts. Even violent destructive thoughts are simply thoughts. The other thing we notice here is comparison. Comparison to others in your family and your friends.Comparison is a nasty trick of the mind. We never actually know someone else’s reality now matter how much we think we do, and the only person worth comparing ourselves to is ourselves. How am I doing today compared to yesterday? What we also do see here is a tendency to feel different, to think in black and white, and a very strong emotional response to everything. If this all continues or worsens as you get to aged 18, it is worth seeking counselling over, particularly if you have suicidal thinking. Some people have less of an emotional skin than others, which can develop into emotional instability disorder. Again, we aren’t diagnosing you with that, you are sixteen, these intense feelings can simply be part of growing up. And we would never diagnose someone based on a comment, people are complex, we don’t know you. But we are saying support is really a good thing, even now. If you can talk to a friend or trusted adult that would be great, or a school counsellor. Also, google for a mental health help line for teens in your country. If you are in the UK, you’ll find the info here http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines. Otherwise, a useful tool you can learn by yourself is mindfulness, read our free guide here http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout it really helps with calming anxiety and big emotions if we can commit to doing it daily. And as for daily, take things one day at a time. It’s okay to have tough days. What matters is that we keep going. Best, HT.

Hello there LW, so we see that high potential/high IQ clients often also have high emotional sensitivity. And can be vulnerable to things like anxiety (often thinking about death can be a form of anxiety, and anxiety is thought based, when powers to think are higher than usual of course this creates a vulnerability). Although annoyingly most research seems to focus on children who are high IQ/highly sensitive and just seems to ignore the very real problems this can pose in adults. Loneliness and difficult relationships being a case in point. Therapy can be highly effective, but of course it entails finding a therapist who is also high IQ or navigates high IQ individuals or you will get bored. It also sounds like you have chosen a life for yourself where you are shut off from people who can understand you or who have emotional intelligence or emotional navigation capabilities (telling you to walk off emotions is not very skilled). But you are falling into the trap of assuming this is what the world at large is like. It isn’t. Again, it’s the world you’ve actually chosen, as an adult with free will. We aren’t saying it’s as easy as ‘just make different choices!’, not at all. It is highly likely you have strong unconscious beliefs holding you back. Limiting beliefs are seriously powerful creatures and saboteurs. For example, an unconscious belief “I am different and unacceptable” will actually, believe it or not, see you unconsciously choosing things that ‘prove’ this true then telling yourself you are powerless and that’s ‘the way life is’. It would be way too uncomfortable to choose otherwise and you’d find excuses not to. Childhood experiences of being bullied, teased, or ‘othered’ for being smart can help create these deep rooted beliefs. Therapy is again super powerful for helping you to change those beliefs and start to make choices that actually lead to a life you want to be in. Because there are ways to find community, these days more than ever. The high potential movement is quite large, and the internet gives access to many groups/forums etc. In some circles out there your interests would be positively banal. So again it becomes about the question of why you haven’t sought out these crowds, finding support to figure that out, and to overcome all your unconscious blocks to a life you feel good in. Best, HT.

Hi Ario, did you have a good read of the article? Also use the search bar for our other pieces on loneliness. The issue would not be about the friends or those around you so leaving might not be the smart option. The issue sounds to be with your own connection, communication, and self-esteem issues, which themselves would come from other issues. We don’t know how old you are. If you are a student at university or college, it would be a great idea to see if your uni offers low cost or free counselling, where you could discuss this in an unbiased, safe, and confidential environment with a professional who could help. If you are under 18, you’d need permission from your parents to seek counselling, we have an article here on how to tell your parents you need mental health support http://bit.ly/talktoparents. If you do have a trusted adult to talk to, or would feel comfortable talking with your school counsellor, those are other options. In summary, not being able to connect with anyone and feeling terrible lonely can lead to depression and terribly low self-esteem, we do hope you gather up your courage and seek some help! Best, HT.