Living with Walking Depression – When You Can’t Stop Carrying On
Dr. Sheri Jacobson
March 4, 2023
The idea of walking depression (sometimes known as smiling depression) captures the experience of those who are able to go on walking, talking and even smiling while feeling depressed. Sufferers may be able to hold down jobs, relationships and family commitments without ever letting on that anything is wrong. This type of depression can be very difficult to diagnose and treat for this reason and the consequences can be severe.
The most recognisable image of a person living with depression is someone who is lethargic and gloomy, perpetually exhausted and frequently bursting into tears. The phrase “nervous breakdown” conjures up the image of a person who has simply stopped working – someone who cannot go on any longer. But what about the people who can go on, no matter how much they are suffering?
“It doesn’t occur to you that something is abnormal”
Award-winning actress Lorraine Bracco found herself suffering from low moods shortly after landing the part of Dr Jennifer Melfi on the hit TV series The Sopranos. “I kept saying, ‘Oh, next week will be better. Next month will be better.’ It’s like walking pneumonia. Instead, it’s walking depression. Or it’s a fever that you have all day long, all the time. I was dead inside.”
However, Lorraine still managed to put up a front in order to look after her kids. “They had clean clothes and a warm meal and a roof over their head but I was missing. My soul was nowhere to be found.”
Singer Billie Myers had a similar experience after the success of her number one single Kiss the Rain. Despite her single’s soaring sales, she found herself increasingly experiencing low moods and anxiety. However, Myers didn’t realise straight away that what she was experiencing was depression. “The doctors tell you it was always present, I just didn’t recognise it,” says the singer. “Your norm is your norm. And therefore it doesn’t occur to you that something is abnormal.”
The singer still managed to live her life without disrupting her hectic schedule. “You can be a functioning depressed person, the same way someone can be a functioning alcoholic,” says Myers. “If I’ve got a press interview or show, it doesn’t matter how I feel, you go in there and you act the part.”
Associate professor of psychiatry at Cornell University, Dr Gail Saltz, believes that people who are especially resilient find it easier to keep going as they don’t know how to seek help. “People are ashamed and they don’t understand [what is happening to them],” she says. She also places an emphasis on the amount of guilt a person may feel about their depression. “Guilt about everything and anything and things that are irrational. They might think, ‘I’m a bad person.’”
Even so, Dr Gail Saltz does not think this way of being is sustainable. “You can put on a face for a certain period of time. When you are severely depressed, you cannot. You really stop functioning.”
How we carry on
So why do some people find that they can keep getting out of bed day after day even while feeling so bad? There may be several answers to this. Firstly, some people may not be able to admit their experience due to feelings of embarrassment. “Sometimes [a patient] may tell you, ‘No, I’m not depressed’ – and they smile. But it’s a sad smile,” says London psychiatrist Dr Cosmo Hallstrom. Feeling that you must hide how you feel can contribute to worsening symptoms and decreased energy yet individuals with Walking Depression may find this preferable to fears of being judged by friends and family.
Then there are individuals who simply do not recognise that what they are experiencing is depression. These may be people who have never recognised a difference in how they feel day by day or have experienced a very gradual onset of low moods. Head of information at Mind, Bridget O’Connell, recognises that lack of knowledge may be a factor in Walking Depression. “The recognised symptoms of depression tend to be crying a lot, feeling lethargic, perhaps not even being able to get out of bed. But not everyone with depression displays these symptoms.”
Other sufferers may know that they are depressed or even have received a diagnosis but do not want to discuss how they are feeling with anyone. “People have this idea of themselves as a functioning, successful person who fits in and they worry about losing that image,” says Marjorie Wallace, chief executive of mental health charity Sane.
It may also cause mixed feelings in a functioning individual to admit that they are depressed. “It feels presumptuous to put yourself in that category when you’re still getting by,” says writer and life coach Alison Gresik on her blog. “You feel like it would be insulting to those who are much worse off than you.”
There can be practical concerns involved with disclosing information about mental health. According to survey Stigma Shout, conducted by Rethink in 2008, 9 out of 10 respondents living with mental health issues reported that stigma had had a negative impact on their lives. The effect of stigma can impact on areas of life such as employment, friendships, activities and having the personal confidence to enjoy life. Respondents reported that their friends, neighbours and colleagues had treated them negatively after disclosing details of their health. With the threat of being excluded or bullied by others, people who suffer from Walking Depression may simply feel they have no choice but to keep going.
Do you have walking depression?
If you are finding it hard to enjoy life and experiencing frequent low moods, you could be living with Walking Depression. Here are some pointers to help you decide.
You’re not enjoying anything
If you can’t remember the last time that you truly enjoyed something, it could be a sign of depression. Likewise, if you find it hard to find things to look forward to, it might be an indicator that something is off-balance.
Your energy is low
You might be able to keep going but just barely. Your energy levels are just as good an indicator of your health whether you are still keeping to a daily schedule or not.
You frequently feel irritated or angry
When we squash how we feel on a regular basis, it becomes harder to control our emotions when they rise to the surface. Experiencing bursts of anger or irritation which seem out of proportion to what you are experiencing could be a sign there is something deeper at stake.
You tell yourself ‘I can’t’
People who live with Walking Depression fear changing their routine too much in case they have to face how bad they normally feel. If you are frequently turning down enjoyable activities or finding excuses not to take a break, you could be feeling that you must carry on against the odds at all costs.
How to walk away from depression
Singer Billie Myers eventually managed to pull herself out of her Walking Depression with the help of her friends. “They dragged me to a psychiatrist. I was very unwilling. I thought that I was fine. He basically told me that I was incredibly depressed and I could continue to be that way or work at being better.” Myers felt grateful for the support of her friends during her depression who she described as being “really great” despite her negativity and lethargy. “I could turn somebody telling me I’d won a lottery into a disaster. You lose a lot of friends when you’re like that. Friendship is a two-way street.”
As well as gaining support from friends, other sufferers report that talking-based therapies have also helped them to cope. Marketing consultant Alison Cowan told Mail Online that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy had helped to support her through her depression. “I used to think I had to hide things away,” says Alison. After the therapy, for the first time I felt able to honestly talk about how I felt.”
Writer Alison Gresik also advocates reaching out to others for support. “Therapists aren’t the only people you can talk to,” she says. “Seek out people you can be authentic with and spend time with them. Join an online class or community. Reducing your isolation will erode your unhappiness.”
Gresik also suggests that Walking Depression is a consequence of being deeply unhappy with how you are living your life. “You face a decision: Will you do something about your unhappiness, or will you allow it to continue?” says Gresik. “I appreciate the importance of accepting what we can’t change. But what really fires me up is changing the things we can, and finding the wisdom to know the difference.”
Want more information about depression? Try our Help Guide on Depression. Or for an inspiring read, try our case study on Overcoming Depression.
What are your methods for walking away from depression? Do you have any advice for others who are in the same position? Comment below, we love hearing from you!
References
- The Truth About Depression, Oprah.com Stars Pull Back the Veil on Depression, 2006
- Billie Myers interview, About.com, Lesbian Life, Kathy Belge
- Could YOU be a victim of smiling depression?, Mail Online, Chloe Lambert, 2011
- 10 signs of walking depression, Gresik.ca, Alison Gresik, 2012
- Stigma Shout survey, Pinfold, Astley et al, 2008
- 10 ways to walk away from depression, Gresik.ca, Alison Gresik, 2012
I think I may have walking depression. I’ve recently come off anti depreSsants and as a result my work has become even less tolerable. I have started therapy but am really struggling with my work yet need to keep earning. Help. Can’t go on.
It’s very hard when depression challenges your ability to take care of yourself, which it often can. In some cases the UK social system will support those with mental health challenges if it comes to that, although that is not always an easy route. Do raise the issue with your therapist, who can help you find strategies that work best for you. These issues, daily survival, are just as worthy of bringing to the therapy room as talking about deeper issues, if not more at times! They can help you look at tools to get through each day at work and even ways to lower expenses for the time being until you feel more stable. And look into the information on mental health charity sites like Mind UK, who cover the ways mental health can affect your money and suggest useful strategies.
I have ol these symtoms …am i suffring frm walking depression thn??? 🙁 want to knw?
I have ol these symtoms …am i suffring frm walking depression thn??? 🙁 want to knw? ……
It’s possible. But it’s not a good idea to self-diagnose. If you feel that your symptoms are disrupting your life, it’s a better idea to speak to a professional. At the very least they can help you find out what you are dealing with, even if it’s not walking depression.
Feel like i have to wear a mask which has a smiley face on it at work and at home. When i get home i feel very sad. Work is not going as well as expected and i am ashamed i am carried about by my friends and family. I have a low mood often when alone but have to put a brave face on for others. I am embaressed to ask for help to find a psychologist a new career and friends
I only have a part time job and no partner. I feel like i dont know whether to keep waiting to feel better before trying to make a life for myself. I have ideas of what i would like to do sometimes get hopefull i will have the guts to do them. Such as get a job a home a partner and friends be able to pay bills and take responsibility for myself in regards to work and home and my health.Then i do something silly or i get criticised and i feel like im knocked down flat. I go off and cry which feels ridiculous as i have a lot to be thankful for in my life. I have a loving family who care about me. A roof over my head. A job. Nuce colleugues. Even a family pet which i love. I live in a nice area and have family holidays and two living parents and a brother.
I have a generalised anxiety disorder and sometimes have panic attacks. Sometimes i can calm down. Sometimes my thoughts race. Mostly about what im suppossed to be doing with my life. I wish i could tackle my problems head on instead of wimping out. I wish i could just be myself around my family. They dont like or deal with people who are unhappy or upset. I know ultimately i have to get out of this deep dark hole ive dug. Im too embaressed to get help or treatment. To say to anyone im not where i want to be in life. I always lie and say im busy and love my part time job and that i really get on well with coleugues. Im not in long enough each day to form strong bonds with them. I passed up a promotion a while back because i didnt think i deserved it or was capable. My grandparent died recently i dont know if im over the loss or not yet. Its been over a month now. It was a ing ilness and gran was ready to leave us. Its left a big hole in my life to fill as i have few hobbies and few friends. Taking care of her and my parent at the same time has been what the last few years was about. I should have found another job then but was too busy worrying about my mum and gran in pain.
I just carry on or walk as the article says. Its not like i have a lot to worry about like bills but i feel down because i just cant get my head around real life. Tend to disapear off into a fantasy land in my head or watch tv when things get hard or i get stressed or worried. I act like a kid too. I dont like to do it. Its weird but comforting short term.
I want a normal life but i also have Aspergers Syndrome which makes it difficult to read peoples social cues or expectations. Im nervous and quiet at most social getherings prefering my own company to that of others which is not neccessarily healthy as social interaction is very important.People with Aspergers syndrome can get depressed or have low mood because doing things other people do doesnt come as easy to them. They can resent siblings off flying their kite sometimes even though really they look up to them. Think my younger sibling should be looking up to me as the one who goes out to clubs lives away from home with their own life and a steady relationship and hobbies.
Im constantly being told to grow up when the world keeps making me feel like a kid or lost. I think i have turned a corner and things are getting better. Life feels easier and i feel full of life. Something negative triggers my low mood. Dont know if im enjoying wallowing in my own self pitty or if something else is going in here.
I often do chores to please my parent avoiding sorting big issues out in my life. I think im just busying myself and delaying the inevitable. The inevitable fact that one day i have to stand in my own two feet and fly the nest. It scares me and gets me down. I have been so strong through my grans illness it surprises me how weak i feel in myself now. Used to feel usefull sitting by her bedside. Going to make cups of tea for us even strong through the last harrowing months of her life when her illmess was worst and she was bed bound. Thought it might make me tougher and ready to start a new chapter in my life. In some ways yes. Im nicer and more empathetic and hard working at my but other than that nothing has changed. Every time im asked a difficult question like what career i want or shouldnt i be married with kids i shy away. I cringe because i dont. I should have hopes and dreams but i dont. I dont like to dream. Dont like getting my hopes dashed or uncomfortable feelings so i avoid anything which makes me feel like that.
That sounds hard, Katie. But maybe question why you think it’s ‘weak’ to need some support yourself. Do you feel all the people you help in life are ‘weak’? Really it’s only the very strong who can realise they need help and reach out and accept it! Is there someone you can talk to? You shouldn’t have to deal with all this overwhelm yourself. Sounds like you’ve taken on so much.
Is there a book ‘Living with walking depression?’
Not that we are aware of! But it would make a good one. You might find our Guide to Depression helpful? https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/depression-help-guide.htm
It seems to me I carry the weight of the world. I carry other people problems as well as my own. Everybody wants to confide in me because I never complain about whats going on in my life. I never complain because they can’t help me. I feel like I get relief after a good cry. It’s funny and a bit strange, I haven’t cried since June 2015… But I cried tonight.
I recently finished my a levels and got a part time job in retail before I go to university. During this time I developed feelings for a girl at work who I knew had a boyfriend. I was ok with this and could deal with it. Recently she became a lot more friendly and huggy, but unknown to me she was having a difficult time with her boyfriend and eventually broke up. I found out later, but during the time I mistook the friendliness for affection though I did nothing as I thought they were still together. When I found out they broke up it got my hopes up. However, I recently found out that the reason she broke up was to be with another guy. For days I felt a hollow feeling. The problem is I just can’t let it go. I still hope there might be a chance for me, even though I’m certain there isn’t. Working in retail doesn’t help where I frequently feel like customers don’t really treat me like a proper human. I’m doing a gap year so all my friends have gone to uni except for one, who is my gym partner. I miss having a social life, as it’s a part time job I don’t develop strong friendships with many of them, and then the only contact my colleagues, friend and I have is over social media. I have body image issues and miss having proper friends. I want to leave and get to university as soon as possible and just start again, but I can’t leave as we are ridiculously short staffed due to many leaving. I don’t feel I deserve to be unhappy and depressed, as my problems are so insignificant which is part of the reason I don’t tell anyone.
Thanks so much for your honesty. And first of all, you are handling a lot. It sounds like you’ve lost your support with all your friends gone, and you feel trapped and misunderstood. Your issues are not small at all, there is nothing insignificant about feeling lonely, bored, and craving love, those are important things. You might even find if you talked to someone that it’s a snowball affect, and a lot of your emotions now are because what you are experiencing is triggering old memories and feelings, too. Sometimes when we have more time to ourselves than usual things can start to rise to the surface, and we don’t even know why we feel so edgy and annoyed with everything – we attribute it all to what is going on right now to try to understand, but usually it’s just that years of feelings are being triggered. And it’s a common thing to happen during a life phase change, too. It’s apparent you have a hard time putting yourself first, as shown by the fact you feel you can’t disappoint others by leaving the job (actually, it’s a business, you don’t owe them anything and they can find someone else). In summary, do not feel you don’t deserve support or you should be stronger or be able to manage this. It’s a lot at once. You do seem to be experiencing at least mild to moderate depression, and we’d highly recommend you do try to find support. Assuming budget is an issue, talk to your GP if you feel comfortable with that, they can recommend you to a program covered by the NHS, or read our article on low cost and free counselling https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/low-cost-therapy-free-counselling-services.htm
It’s good that you cried, it is always a good release. But it’s not so great that you feel you have to suffer and struggle alone. How do you know that others can’t help you if you don’t give them a chance to? Is it possible you don’t trust others and that is the real issue? Where does this inability to trust come from? What makes you think you deserve to be in relationships that sound a one way street? It sounds like you could truly benefit from some support. Have you tried counselling or therapy? If budget is a problem, again we’d reference our article on free and no cost counselling https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/low-cost-therapy-free-counselling-services.htm
I feel all these symptoms… How do I help myself?
I have all of these symptoms…. I really don’t know how to deal with this…
It’s hard for anyone to deal with alone. Do try to find support. If you can’t afford private counselling, read out article on low cost counselling (https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/low-cost-therapy-free-counselling-services.htm). You can also speak to your GP who can refer you, or look into your local chapter of Mind charity, they might have resources that can help. If you aren’t in the UK google ‘mental health charity’ and see what comes up?
Again, help yourself by seeking help! When we are feeling low we think we have to just manage by ourselves, but we all deserve support and really it’s a sign of strength to seek it! Also, you are doing the right thing as you are admitting there is a problem and doing research. It’s good as it shows you you are not alone and others out there do understand. There are great self development books out there that can help as well.
Do not underestimate the effect of a sick society. This is not just some “organic” thing that you have been unfortunate enough to possess. When any organism’s survival is challenged, it will attempt to adapt and survive. But when that organism is given institutional challenges that preclude or prevent its attempts to adapt, psychosis is not far behind.
We are the rats who are aware of the cage, understand how the latch operates, and still willfully refuse to accept that we are trapped.
I believe I have the symptoms of walking depression, even though I am a highly functioning person. I work full-time, lead an exercise class , take care of my 12 year old son and husband, as well as our home and finances. I even teach a children’s church class and help out with the special needs kids on Sundays. Yet, I feel extremely depressed and have nothing to look forward to,no hope in the future. I feel like I am just going through the motions of my life because I have things I am responsible for. If it were up to me, I’d want someone to drug me and just let me sleep out the rest of my life. I know I need therapy, and maybe even medication, but I just don’t want to deal with all that.
It sounds like you come at the end of the list…. where is the time for you to just be you? No wonder you want to just sleep, it sounds exhausting! I wouldn’t jump to conclusions about medication just yet. You’d be amazed at how helpful therapy can be and how much hope the very act of reaching out for support can bring. At the very least it would mean carving time out for yourself at last. What is the real reason you are not seeking help? Is there any sort of fear that might be the real reason? Because you say you ‘don’t want to deal with all that’ but surely you are dealing with so much that doing something that could lead to feeling better would be the better thing to deal with …. often we stop ourselves from doing good things for ourselves out of fear or out of a deep core belief that we don’t deserve to be taken care of or to receive attention. But you certainly do!
I have never heard of walking depression before. I have been diagnosed with dysthymia which is long term low mood, which I have suffered from for many years. I have social anxiety and low mood most of the time. Sometimes I can wake up and the mood has gone but only for that day. I have spent so long trying to find out what triggers the mood, but no luck. I feel that I don’t want to inflict my sadness onto others so if I am at work or at home I try my best to cover it which is exhausting. Its almost as if something happens to me when I am asleep. I can go to bed feeling OK and then wake up feeling rubbish. I have stopped drinking any form of alcohol, I am desperately trying to eat healthily, but I do tend to overeat on carbs which is another battle. I find it hard to concentrate on any hobbies, television, books etc. I am attending group therapy but find it really hard to explain exactly what is going on in my head and to reach out. I always think why would anyone want to listen to my negativity. I feel its all my fault but I don’t know why.
It sounds like you are really hard on yourself. First of all, there is no shame in having low moods. Many people suffer from depression, and it doesn’t make you weak, unacceptable, uninteresting, or a bad person. It just means you are depressed. Allowing others to love and support us just the way we are shows we trust them to be there for us. Is there anyone in your life who just loves you just as you are? Can you allow them to be there for you? The truth is that most people can tell if we are unhappy, anyway. As for group therapy, if you suffer such low self-esteem and social anxiety it might be completely the wrong thing for you. We’d suggest individual therapy, where you have the opportunity to grow trust and to feel safe. If money is an issue, refer to our guide on low cost counselling (https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/low-cost-therapy-free-counselling-services.htm). And also, do remember that it’s ok to do things that make you feel good… do you know what these things are? Try making a list of what actually brings you joy. When is the last time you did anything on that list? Can you make time to do one of them this week?
I definitely suffer from walking depression. I have come to realize that it is part of your personality to a certain extent. That being said, I really struggle with therapists… I find that most of them need one themselves… How do you find one that isn’t out to lunch? Let’s face it, one of the characteristics of someone struggling with depression is an over zealous deep empathic character. This means you tend to have a very “paranoid” and “cynical” overview of people. I find the therapists and psychologists tend to let you think they know more about than you do yourself. That will be the day that someone tells me more about me than myself. The best advise that I have found over time is that the beginning of the healing starts with listening to yourself.
I think I may have walking depression. I don’t find anything enjoyable anymore I used to draw everyday for a long time and now I feel like its a burden to pick up a pen. I have no friends which is one of the main reasons I feel depressed. I’m used to bein alone , I have been for as long as i can remember but its really starting to get to me now. I have my family but i still feel as isolated as ever. I’m insecure about how i look and no matter how possitive i try to be it always turns into negativity. As for the “friends” i do have I can’t even talk to them about these things. They always come to me for advice and it works for them but not for me. I feel like when i help them im giving them positivity in exchange for their negativity on top of which i already have to live with. It’s like im not even friends with my friends. But i keep going. I just keep on keeping on. Because 8 feel like saying im depressrd would be insulting to those who are worse off than i am and my emotions are petty and insignificant. Like i should get over it and be greatful. But its just so much for a 15 year old to take.
You don’t have to ‘get over’ feelings. You have them for a reason and they are useful if you take the time to ask what they are trying to tell you. In our society there is this false idea that feelings are bad, but without feelings, we’d never learn to know more about ourselves, or what in our life isn’t working for us. You definitely sounds depressed. And it doesn’t help to be a teenager, when your hormones themselves tend to go on cycles of ups and downs which can make things worse. It would be a great idea to find someone outside of your social circle and family to talk to, as then they can give you impartial advice and you won’t feel like you have to pretend around them. Is there a counsellor at school? Would anyone in your family understand if you asked them to help you find a counsellor? Do you trust your family doctor enough to have a chat?
Working with a therapist who isn’t right with you can indeed be terribly frustrating! If only there was a program that could read personalities and match therapists to clients! Sadly there isn’t. The thing is, therapists are people. And yes, many of them come with their own set of issues, but with proper training they should have attended therapy themselves. And really it’s better, as a therapist who had never had problems would not understand someone who does (and would probably be an alien too, as all humans come with flaws, no?). It’s important to not give up on therapy just because you had a bad therapist. Learn the right questions to ask when you seek a therapist, and approach it like dating – it can take time to find the right one. Also consider the types of therapy you are trying, as if your issues don’t match the therapy that doesn’t help. Or consider group therapy, for some people it’s a better fit. You might find our pieces on choosing therapists helpful
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/how-to-find-a-good-therapist.htm
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/psychotherapeutic-approaches-the-main-schools-of-thought.htm
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/i-dont-trust-my-therapist.htm
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/finding-a-therapist.htm
I just called it Limbo lol Im here but not really, I smile and go about my day and take care of my son while my husband is at work. I don’t feel like I should feel. I can’t express my self to anyone without crying and I don’t like that feeling. It’s like everything I’ve ever felt comes out all at once, makes me feel like I’m losing control over myself.
Walking depression is exactly what I have. I work, have a family carry on everyday but I am never happy inside. I am always depressed. Feel that I have failed everyone . with this I have not been a sincere wife, mother or friends. And the sadest part of all is all those around me, sister , husband, children are all diagnosed with depression on medication and I am the only one that has no support. I have to be the support for everyone. so I keep smiling.
Gosh. That’s a lot to bear. Is there anyway you could seek support too?
You are not just your emotions, you are many things, so having big emotions doesn’t mean you are ‘losing control’ over yourself. But your emotions are very valid, they let you know when there are things that are not quite right, they call for your attention so that you can sort things out within and uncover more of who you really are, what really matters to you, which is actually a very positive thing. It’s interesting, that you use the word ‘should’. Who is it who gave you this idea of what you ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t’ feel? Is there a way you could seek support? If your child is young, it could even be post natal depression leaving you this low which is something it would be good to seek support over.
This is an interesting viewpoint. But the question is, why do you have to be in the cage? Are you choosing the institution? Often we tell ourselves things are ‘just as they are’ because we are afraid to make choices that lead us in the direction of what we truly want, or we fear the ‘disproval’ of those around us. The truth is that in today’s western society, there are many ways to live. So any kind of thinking of ‘institutional challenges’ controlling life is in some ways an avoidance of personal power and choice (and sadly depression makes us feel less able to be powerful, so it can be a bit of a treadmill to get off of). Millions don’t work traditional jobs, or live with any attachment to any institution, but live life happily on their own terms. In summary, depression comes from denying what we truly want or not knowing how to move towards it. And of course we’d add therapy is great for bringing clarity and confidence and ways forward. Because often, once we get on that depression wheel, it’s hard to see clearly or even recognise the power we actually have to make different decisions.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m tired of being me. Like I’m tired of putting on this facade all the time and looking around me at everyone else that looks happy and wishing I was them. I used to come home crying everyday wondering what was wrong with me and why I don’t fit in and my mom always told me “only you can change it” so I’d stop crying and just lock it all up and pretend like I’m fine. I really don’t even know why I’m like this but looking @ the symptoms I feel like I truly have walking depression but I’m too scared to get help & tell my mom cause she won’t understand
Gosh that’s hard. Yes, sometimes mothers can take things personally,or forget what it’s like to be young (difficult!).Is there anyone else you can talk to? Is there a counsellor at school? By the way, remember that everyone else is probably putting on a facade too, so try not to compare yourself. But do try to find someone to talk to. If you ever feel really bad, there are free hotlines you can call, like the Good Samaritans in the UK. There are also helpful forums where you can talk to other people your age who feel the same way, such as The Mix forum http://vbulletin.thesite.org/.
I know I have walking depression and it is at its high right now. Six years ago I lost my 16yr old daughter (my only child). My doctor automatically put me on anti depressants. Anti depressants seem to work the opposite on me and between them and the loss of my daughter and reality hitting when the shock wore off, I got suicidal. I did try to kill myself by taking a 70 xanax but all it did was get me put in the hospital and then sent to a mental hospital but they put me on the drug floor where the patience were snorting there medication and others were violent. I spent a week of sheer horror there and after that I swore I would never try suicide again. I took myself off the anti depressants and yes I was still depressed but I lost a child, of course I am depressed. I could not handle my grief and I knew I needed help so I called a hotline to find a psychiatrist. They put me in touch with the psychiatry ward at one of our major hopsitals here in NYC. I told work I would be in late and I went to get evaluated to get the right doctor for me. Two doctors interviewed me and they kept talking about suicide and I told them I was not suicidal I just needed to learn how to deal with my grief. They asked me to go downstairs in the hospital to meet a doctor, I went and the next thing I knew was they were telling me they were not letting me out and I had to go to there mental hospital cause I was too depressed. Of course I fought them on it and they shot me up with drugs. I was put with major mental patients that were getting there brains shocked by machines. Once again I was terrified. I went from being a normal person to doctors telling me I was crazy cause I was depressed from losing my child. They told me I had to stay on anti depressants or they would put me back in the hospital. Once again I went on them and got suicidal again. My doctor agreed the pills were not for me and through off my balance. I got off of them and stopped seeking help. It is 6yrs now, I have dismissed everyone in my family, I have no friends left, and I am a very angry person inside and out. I have maybe gone out 3 times in these 6yrs besides work (where they all hate me). I cant seek help cause them putting me in the hospital set me back so much, I was actually looking for help and was trying to get through this with help, but they ruined it. I do not even know what to do anymore, I have no energy and I do not want to do anything. Not one day has gone by since I took the pills that I wish they had worked. I do not want to be here and live everyday with the thought of being one day closer to death. That is all I have to look forward to now.
Gosh this is such a sad sorry and I am so sorry you had to experience this. This is the dark underbelly of the drug pushing culture so prevalent especially in the US, with the coverup for so long that so many antidepressants can backfire and cause MORE depression than they stop. At Harley Therapy we are huge advocates of therapy over drugs or at the very least alongside prescriptions. Drugs can’t solve the problem, they just cover the symptoms, support is needed to actually move forward. The best part of this story is that despite all you have suffered you managed to say “I lost a child, of course I am depressed”. It shows you know who you really are despite your experiences. We truly do not think that the story is ever over. You are still here, you can still change the ending. Have you considered low cost therapy outside of the system? Or, given that you seem to be a recluse now, trying a few rounds of online therapy? Where you don’t even have to go anywhere and might feel a lot safer? If you do some research you might find some great low cost options. Otherwise there might be local bereavement support groups where you can meet others who have also lost a child and will not treat you as ‘crazy’. It’s just important not to think all people are horrible now or to give up on yourself. You are still valuable, you can still help others with your story, there are those out there who will understand. It’s important to still connect to others, others who don’t know you or judge you for your past but give you a chance to be yourself.
i am in 10th grade, high school, i had a hard time choosing, wether or not i want to go to high school or to remain in grammar school or to go to high school. My parents taught me to go to high school and im not really feeling well in there… I have to get up at 5am to get to school and get home very late in the evening. ive never been like this before and its killing me. ever since september (start of my 10th grade on this new high school), i think of people around me as if they see nothing on the world thats happening, as if they were walking dolls. when i enter the chool i put my smiley face on and feel empty inside, then, after short time wearing that mask, i kind of forget that i have this issue, and when i leave, i just find out that im alone against this whole world again and start thinking about running away, changing school, etc. Do you think that the school change gave me walking depression, or is it just an issue with the school and i need to change it?
Being an adolescent comes with a lot of challenges. What’s interesting here is the phrase ‘my parents taught me…’. You are at an age where you are starting to become aware of your own wants and needs, but there is still the pressure of having to please your parents and family. Is it possible this is causing you stress? That the feeling you don’t want the same thing that your family wants for you is stressful? Or that you have a need to have more say in your life? Can you talk to your parents about how you feel? Sometimes discussing things honestly can ‘clear the air’ and make you feel better. It might be that just being honest about how you are not enjoying the new school might mean some of the depression lifts and you can start to see things about it you actually do enjoy. If not, is there a counsellor at school? As for getting up at 5 and getting home late, that’s very stressful. That kind of change can take quite a while to adjust to. Are there things you can do to make this experience more enjoyable? Also, it sounds like you are feeling quite lonely. That is also a leading cause of depression. Has it been hard to make friends? These questions are important because if it’s really about something other than the school, you don’t want to go through all the hassle of changing schools only to discover you feel the same.
I’m not sure where I stand. There are moments when I smile to myself, when I have a good laugh and when I’m happy. But as soon as I’m alone with my thoughts, and start to reflect, my energy levels drop drastically and cannot concentrate on whatever I do. If I’m working, I realize how useless and crappy it is and is taking me nowhere. If I’m working out, I know I’m not gaining anything out of it. When I’m talking to people, I lose interest very quickly and become silent. I feel like hiding under my blanket, never wanting to come out. I tried telling my parents about it but they say its a passing phase and all will be fine. I’m not able to understand what to do with my life, despite being in my formative years. I have the will, but no energy. Everything around feels useless. Its like I am a walking talking blob of negative energy.
Is it actually just a passing phase or is there something really wrong? Maybe it’s the circumstances around me that do not allow me to perform my tasks. And I probably need to gather myself up and set myself straight..
It depends what you mean by ‘formative years’. If you are an adolescent, the brain actually goes through many changes which affect hormones and moods. That said, it’s not fun feeling awful and it is wise to seek support. Also, it might not be just adolescence. It might be something from your childhood that needs resolving, and this can only really surface with proper support. Is there a counsellor at school you can talk to? If you are not at school and are older, then it’s definitely not a ‘passing phase’. And just telling yourself to ‘straighten up’ won’t work. Really, there is nothing wrong with how you feel. It’s normal to feel sad and confused if you are not going in the direction you long too in life or have experienced things that left you with unresolved emotions. And it’s courageous to decide to look at what this is about, and to seek help. You might want to start with self help if that’s all you feel is accessible to you at this time. For example, we often recommend the book ‘Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” by David Burns.
walking depression is more that the “adolescent” feelings that we go thru. Walking depression is hating life but still functioning as a human, but hating life and wondering what your purpose is. To be working your job, but hating it. To wake up in the morning not wanting to go to work, but still going. To wishing you had another life, but muddling thru because that’s whats expected. To realizing you no longer matter to your spouse or loved ones, but yet they expect all the things from you that they are used too!
I found the term “walking depression” just yesterday on another site. It suits me perfectly. So many mornings, especially since January, I woke up convinced I was ill…felt crappy and thought I was coming down with “something”. By afternoon, that physical feeling was gone. Then the next day, it started again. I just thought I was successfully fighting off bronchitis or flu. The other day, I was literally on the verge of tears all day long and could not identify why I felt that way. I was crabby, short-tempered, annoyed with everyone…. I work in an entertainment industry/customer service so have to put on the Happy Face every day for work. It’s exhausting. Some days even MORE exhausting. My father had it too. Profound depression but still dragged himself out of bed every day. I had no idea what he was going through.
Hi Jennifer, thanks for sharing this. it does sound like you are experiencing mild depression, especially as it has been going on much more than six weeks. It is of course good to get a physical check up to rule out things like hormonal shifts etc, but otherwise, counselling would definitely help. Even just a short-term round of something like CBT could suit – it really helps stop the cycle of negative thought/ negative mood/ negative actions.
For the past 2-3 months I’ve been so stressed that my stress turns into sadness. I’ve been crying myself to sleep every single night. But the strange thing is, is that I have no idea why I’m sad in the first place. I have friends who care about me, but I still feel lonely. I want to tell someone but I don’t want them to think I’m being over-dramatic about my life. I’m just so confused! This overwhelming sadness came from nowhere and destroyed me and now I feel like nobody cares about me. I don’t want to get help because I don’t want to be told I’m overreacting, but I’m not sure I can keep going. The real problem is that I want people to notice how I feel, but they never do which makes me more frustrated and sad. I know it’s unfair to blame others for not approaching me about it but I can’t ask for help. I need someone to reach out to me but I don’t know how.
Gosh we certainly don’t think you are overreacting, it sounds you are really struggling and suffering. The stress might have worked to take away your ability to suppress old experiences and emotions and now it’s all rising up to the surface. What’s hard is that if we have suppressed our emotions for a long long time and put on a ‘capable’ mask, others buy into it so much that even if we try to let the mask fall they still treat us like what we’ve convinced them of for so long. So no wonder you feel lonely and overlooked. The ‘nobody cares about me’ is important here. This is definitely a core belief rising up, and it’s coming from somewhere powerful. Would you be open to the idea of exploring all this with a counsellor? We’d recommend psychodynamic, humanistic or ‘person-centred’, not CBT in this case, which just looks at present thoughts but doesn’t address old traumas. CBT just encourage to keep ‘coping’ instead of approaching this emotional backup and clearing the channels, so to speak. One more thing – don’t see this as a failure or a bad thing. Sometimes life conspires to push us to our limits so we finally get over old hidden things and free ourselves to finally BE ourselves. And when we are finally ourselves we naturally attract those who see us fully and embrace and support us. We wish you all the best with this.
I have only just come across this term ‘walking depression’ and gosh does it resonate with me! I have suffered through various childhood traumas and just ploughed through life feeling angry stressed but not showing this to the outside world by being completely competent in my work life and being the jolly happy me. I am hugely empathetic and can instantly tell when someone is upset and rush to help them with every aspect of their life as I have done with many siblings over the years who now have abandoned me because I wanted to start to feel and express what I really felt. My family doesn’t do real emotions so suddenly I am left with emptiness, loneliness and extreme daily sadness whilst outside still appearing fine. My husband and best friend have been a great support but I feel bad always leaning on them. I have this need to keep expressing myself, my feelings with someone all the time as if i’m making up for suppressed emotions, but then I feel am I not coping by going over stuff? I have had help with a great therapist but need to bring that to an end due to finances. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank you for sharing this! As I’m sure it will resonate with many. It’s especially hard when we have been the great ‘coper’ in the family then we decide to actually not be perfectly strong and try to be authentic instead, only to be shunned by all those we supported as we no longer fit in the box everyone else wanted to lean on. It’s a lonely and alienating experience. It’s also normal to feel bad then leaning on others, as, don’t forget, you are new to vulnerability and accepting help. As for the need to express constantly, it’s a normal experience when we open up to feelings to feel like a fountain.Try to take the word coping out of it, and just look at ways to accept your process. Processes can be messy, they take time, but they do get your moving forward, so try to go easy on yourself. This is all stuff your therapist has probably worked over with you, so sorry if we sound repetitive! It’s a shame to hear that finances are stopping the therapy. If it’s a great therapist, and you trust them, always worth brainstorming other ways to save money, as a good therapist is gold. Or read our article on finding low cost counselling for inspiration.
I feel nothing. I feel nothing. Literally been sitting here and trying to think how I feel….and I feel nothing. I am numb. I am getting on with daily life, we own our own business which I hate, but go there everyday and do my job 9-5.30. I get up in a morning and walk my dogs, get everyone else up. Do the dishes, and go to work. I come home, walk the dogs and feed them, cook the dinner, clean the house and put the washing on. Listen to my daughter (16) complain about college, watch tele and go to bed. repeat..repeat…repeat..in amongst it all – I listen to others in my family who have problems, I think of everyone else and am always inviting people for dinner, and making an effort. I always think of others before myself, I do things for others before doing anything for myself. I have to think of everything while others seem to have very little to think of – the washing, the dogs, the shopping, the ironing, the cleaning, the bills, the business, my daughters, my grandchildren (I am only 41), my parents, my husband, the list is endless. I feel ill. I am overweight. I have neither the time or the inclination or motivation to do anything about anything. It feels like groundhog day over and over and over and over again. My husband seems to have become controlling over me…I am not allowed to say certain things to certain people, not allowed to speak to some people, if I am on the phone and say something, he tells me I shouldnt have said that or should have said it a different way, typing an email, he re writes it, anything I say or think, its wrong. I used to be a free spirit, no one told me what to do or what to say, I had heaps of friends, was slim and was…more importantly me. I have no idea who I am anymore, just a shell of a person, now too afraid to do anything incase I upset someone. Even writing this I have no emotional response, nothing to show here folks! I cant get excited about anything. There has been alot happened in my life which I will not go into. I have been to doctors, they just say your depressed and give out pills….I dont take them, as I feel the doctors arent listening, no one wants to listen…why is that? I have no idea how to get out of this, The front I put on is even starting to break, if I try to tell my husband I am sick of work, sick of our lives, he just tells me to stop complaining, that he works. Yeah he works 9-5.30 – then does nothing else. I get angry very easily and feels like I am having palpatations and cant breath. I am just resigned to the fact that this is my life and this is what I have to put up with.
Gosh it sounds horrible, poor you. And it’s very disheartening to us to hear that you have just been offered pills. It might be safe to assume you are in America? Pills will not solve this. Sure, they can mask the symptoms. But you are crying out for change, yes? You are in system overload, and who wouldn’t be. You need to find your way back to you and start slowly making changes to find yourself in the mess of daily life, to set boundaries bit by bit, to start taking time for you minute by minute. Sounds easy, but we are not saying that it is! But we are saying we do think it is 100% possible you have the potential to make those changes and in several years be in a totally different place. Would you consider counselling? Just the ability to have someone to vent to who does not judge you or tell you what to do or think and who you don’t have to please or make happy, that alone can be such a huge relief. If money is an issue look for our piece on low cost counselling.We wish you courage.
I suffered from major depression as an adolescent and now as an adult I feel so incredibly depressed but am able to function normally for the most part. It is such an odd feeling. I’m pushing through every day hoping it will be gone the next day. If you are like me
I hope you find aid and a solution to your walking depression. This won’t last forever!
Thanks for sharing Via. We can get so used to depression it becomes our new normal. It is however important to seek support if you can. Because it can be so normal after a certain amount of time we can stop even considering things could change. Depression is actually highly treatable with talk therapy. Talking to a professional means you can get to the root, to what is behind the depression, instead of always just dodging the symptoms and hoping for ‘good days’. Even a round of shorter-term CBT therapy has been proven by research to help.
I am a 72 yrs old femail and for the last 30yrs I have been extremely unhappy and downright miserable. I am a habitual crier, I cry at least once every single day. In the mornings I am always reluctant to get up but I do it. How I feel is hidden and no one knows I am like this, I smile, laugh and I have only one friend left and even she does not know how I feel. My biggest challenge is going out and I really have to push myself out the door. Do you think I might have Walking depression?
Anna, it definitely sounds like you could be depressed. Would you consider seeing a counsellor? It could really help to have a safe space to finally talk about all this. If you are on a tight budget, our piece on finding low cost therapy might help bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. We’d also let you know about Silver Line, a free, 24-hour hotline for older people here in the UK you can call https://www.thesilverline.org.uk/ or call them 0800 4 70 80 90. Hope that helps!
This is me. I’m 52 and very rarely happy. I work full time and take care of my husband, 3 dogs, a cat, two birds, and that is my home. Now Mom passed away two months ago suddenly. My dad was in a nursing home for rehab, but now will have to stay permanently. I am now taking care of him, and my uncle who shared a mother daughter house with them. I am overwhelmed and overloaded. My husband is no help. I am tired all the time, have no social life and now burdened with maintaining my fathers home as well. I can’t sell the house as long as my uncle owns half. My one sibling is states away so no help. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I suffer from chronic pain due to a back surgery which didn’t help (fusion) and recently had to change doctors who reduced my meds to 3 10mg pills a day. I still grieve for my mom. I’m lonely and have no one who understands. This is not life, this is existing. My husband gets mad if I’m “mopey” and I cry at random times when I can’t take anymore. I don’t like to take a lot of meds, been taking the same pain meds 4 years without any addictions or abuse, they just don’t seem to be working as well anymore. I live in the us
Darlene, what an awful lot to have to handle all by yourself. It’s almost as if your body is speaking up – the metaphor ‘it’s breaking my back’ comes to mind. You are at your maximum. Something has to give. And it should not be your health. You absolutely need the time and space to grieve your Mum. It’s hard for us to refer you to any support groups or useful free hotlines as you are in the USA and we are a UK company, so we don’t know what is available in your country. But we’d point out one thing – the first thing you said you take care of is your husband. Probably an unconscious thing, but telling. It’s all great for us to say, time to set boundaries, time to say no, time to really ask yourself, what is the worst thing that would happen if you stopped taking care of him and left him to his own devices? And is that really worse than destroying your health? But let’s be honest here, if it’s a longstanding pattern of always taking care of others and putting yourself last then you need support to do so. To set boundaries might feel terrifying and impossible otherwise, as it’s outside your experience. If you could afford counselling, it would be a godsend, a counsellor can help you see clearly and support you to start to set stronger boundaries and stick up for yourself. You might find a new perspective entirely. Otherwise, you might find these articles on our site helpful http://bit.ly/sayingnobetter http://bit.ly/costofnotsayingno http://bit.ly/buildboundaries http://bit.ly/stopbeingvictimized Hope that helps and we wish you courage!