Nostalgia – is Missing the Past Good or Bad for You?
Dr. Sheri Jacobson
March 6, 2023
photo by Andrea Rico
by Andrea M. Darcy
Often think about your past? Or wish you could go back in time and have the life you had? Nostalgia has direct implications on our mental health.
What is nostalgia?
Nostalgia is a longing for our past, albeit a possibly romanticised version.
We can be sentimental for people, experiences, places, and things, or even for a version of ourselves we once were.
Nostalgia is different from homesickness, where we want to be in another existing space than the one we are in.
And it’s not the same as fantasy, where we seek to substitute reality. With nostalgia, we know we are in the here and now. We are just indulging in a trip down memory lane, while wearing our ‘rose coloured glasses’.
When being nostalgic is a positive
In the last century, researchers focussed on nostalgia as something negative. It was seen as an inability to accept the past or what we’ve lost, and something that stopped us from being in the present.
But a flurry of more recent research now claims nostalgia as a mental health positive. The newer perspective on nostalgia is that it can help us feel:
- more connected (we can remember good times with loved ones and feel cared for)
- inspired to deal with the present (good things happened in the past, so trying to reach our goals means they might happen again)
- like we have a stronger sense of self (we are a person connected to a past, who belongs).
Researcher Krystine I. Batch, creator of the ’Nostalgia Inventory’, analysed memories of resistance fighters in WWII next to current empirical research on the subject. This highlighted how nostalgic memories counteracted loneliness, supported emotional and cognitive coping, strengthened social bonds and cultural identity, and even helped with accepting a new homeland.
Nostalgia’s dark side
So where does nostalgia go wrong? It’s now thought that there is more than one kind of nostalgia, and that not all kinds are helpful.
Personal nostalgia is when we miss what we experienced in the past. It’s the type that leaves us connected and inspired to recreate such happy moments in the present and future.
But we can miss things too soon. This is called ‘anticipatory nostalgia’. We miss and long for something before it’s even over, and it leads to sadness, worry, and anxiety. An American study released in 2020 shows that, as well as affecting our reaction, poorly timed nostalgia can also affect our ability to learn from our reminiscing.
An example would be when we meet someone we really like, and we already feel sadness and a sense of longing when we think about when the relationship ends.
Another 2020 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology concluded that nostalgia can also be negative if it’s random and unconscious.
Consciously making an effort to recall the past was found to elevate our moods. But everyday moments of nostalgia were found to be more likely to have a negative effect.
Can’t stop reminiscing?
Are you the type who has daily random nostalgia? Always comparing the present unfavourably to the past? Can’t enjoy it when good things happen because you are so worried about how much you’ll miss things when it’s all over?
Research and theory aside, you have to look at how nostalgia is making you feel. Constantly being caught up in nostalgia that leaves you feeling low can be a sign of other issues.
When it’s a mental health issue
There are unhealthy thought patterns that can be related to, or seem like, a form of nostalgia, but are actually signs of a mental health issue.
Rumination sees you unable to stop repetitively focusing on things that distress you, and trying to figure out possible causes and consequences for them.
Depression can mean we go over the past again and again, judging ourselves as unworthy and feeling consumed by guilt and self-hatred.
Love and romance addiction can mean we think non stop about a person we met, or an ex, to the extent it affects our ability to cope. It can see us hiding things from family and friends.
Anxiety means we constantly worry about the future in a way that makes us feel fearful, and becomes increasingly illogic. If anticipatory nostalgia has started to make you tense and panicky, it might have become anxiety.
So lost in the past you can’t accept your current life? We connect you with highly experienced counsellors and psychotherapists in central London. Or use our booking site to find a UK-wide talk therapist as well as online therapists that you can work with from any country.
Andrea M. Darcy is a health and wellbeing writer as well as mentor who often writes about trauma, relationships, and ADHD. Find her on Instagram @am_darcy
I have always been quite a nostalgic person. During my life from adolescence to adult, being quite nostalgic about places or situations and seemingly even more nostalgic during unhappy times? Maybe that is because those places are linked to the happy times.
I find myself re-visiting places of great happiness and joy and thinking back about the good times, drawing on those good feelings. But it can leave you feeling sad – of what is missing or lost now.
As a child I would re-visit a place where I played with friends and had a happy or memorable time out of the mundane. Sometimes good things just happen with no expectations of it and you remember them more. Upon revisiting I was always left with a feeling of sadness for something that could not occur again or situation I want to be in now. I think it is comparison to the unhappiness verses the happiness of the here and now.
Similar as an adult and often after a loss of something, revisiting somewhere of special memory or good feeling during a relationship or even a workplace event that was joyful. But I would go out of my way to reminisce there. Sometimes it can just be a piece of music or a smell to take me back to a moment in the past. “Baker Street” song takes me back to 1978 instantly. 2 stroke motorcycle exhaust fumes takes me back to the cafe in the harbour chatting up the young girl who worked there in 1982!
It may sound foreboding but sometimes during really happy periods I think to myself, soak up these feelings of happiness, recollect the thoughts and sounds of the moment because nothing lasts forever and I know I will look back with nostalgia once it is all gone. Its like putting all in a bottle to open up at a later date. I suppose I`m acknowledging the happy situation I am in and that it can change but it is tinged with sadness knowing it will end.
Nothing ever stays good does it.
Hi Chris. Maybe not – but on the other hand, nothing ever stays bad, really. Life is a flux over a static thing. It sounds like you have a romantic personality naturally. Some of us do. But we’d say that if your romantic thinking starts to stop you enjoying the present, then that could be rumination, an addiction to negative thinking. So worth keeping an eye on. Could be worth doing a round of CBT therapy, a short-term therapy which focuses exclusively on helping you control the link between your thoughts and your moods and doesn’t involve talking much about your past, just your current thinking. It would give you the tools to notice and manage when your thoughts are creative and romantic or when they are leading you towards low moods. It teaches tools of balanced thinking – how to get your thinking into a less black/white state. Best, HT.
I found myself being nostalgic and sentimental for family many of whom are long dead. I was doing genealogy at the time. I think this is a negative pass-time as it led me to become obsessed with the past and the people in it.
I topped doing genealogy.
Andy, it’s good self awareness. If it made you unhappy, and you feel better now you’ve stopped, then seems you’ve made a choice for self care. Best, HT.
Is it possible that during addiction, you become more nostalgic? I was an addict, and ever since I’ve been clean, I’ve been anxious and I think that nostalgia has a lot to do with it(or at least some of it). I’ve been doing a lot of meditation including techniques for mindfulness, which helps tremendously. Honestly, I feel like a completely different person. I just wanted to get your thoughts on this.
Hi Derek, we aren’t quite sure we understand the question. Do you mean nostalgic for the time before you were an addict, or for the time when you were an addict? Nostalgia can be for any time of our life, as every period of life has positives and negatives. Nothing is either all good or all bad. When we are an addict the positives can be the camaraderie we have with other addicts, for example, that can feel like a family. There is nothing wrong with missing the good bits. that’s normal. But the thing that matters is not letting nostalgia blind us from remembering the hell addiction is as well. If it helps, keep a journal and write it all out. Perhaps write a list of all the positives you miss, but then all the negatives. And if you feel yourself faltering, don’t try to be brave, or think you are ‘such a different person’ you don’t need help. Reach out for support. It’s the strong thing to do, don’t let your head tell you otherwise….Best, HT.
Im trying to figure out how to deal with the “anticipaty nostalgia” im feeling right now. Every Olympics games I try to watch every sport cause I really enjoyed it, but sometimes I catch myself feeling sad when I see an athlete process from qualifications to final, and after the medals ceremony I get really sad cause it ended, also every time I feel sad for the Olympics to end before they are over. How can I deal with this, it’s really crazy. Thank you!
When we feel overly emotional over something outside of ourselves it’s often as we have a tendency to block emotions on a regular basis as we judge ourself and our emotions. So we find a venue where emotions are ‘acceptable’ and then let all our emotions out there. A classic example is someone who cries a ton when they watch a sad movie but are never emotional in real life. So we’d see this as an opportunity to process sadness, ask good questions, and take a deep dive into your own emotions. What is this sadness really about? Is it okay to just feel sad? Where in your life have you felt upset about something ending but then just hid your emotions? You get the idea. You might want to try journalling, we have an article on how to use journalling as self-help here http://bit.ly/journallingHT. Best, HT.
I am a teenager going to a different school that none of my friends are going to and I am just thinking back on the past when I was at school with everyone from the start of my child hood have been looking back at all my pictures from this year and just wishing I could hop back into the picture even with COVID I have been doing a lot of fun events and having one of the best school years of my life. It all went by to quickly and I just guess I’m not ready to let it go.
Hi Layla, we get it. Change can be really hard, particularly if we are leaving behind friends we love! So it’s very normal to feel nostalgic, worried, and anxious. But the one thing that is sure about life is that it can surprise us, and that each situation always has some positives, even if there are challenges. Life also tends to unroll in a way that we always have the inner resources for, even if we don’t yet realise it. Stay open to what good things might come or this new experience, trust that you will find a way to deal with it, and until then, know that what you are feeling is normal and you just have to take it one day at a time. If you get really anxious or upset though, do talk to someone you trust about your worries. Sometimes just talking things through can help us feel so much better. We wish you courage! Best, HT.
I feel nostalgic all the time, so much so I think it may be an issue at times..? BUT… lets be perfectly honest here, modern life is awful…. we keep being told (propaganda) by all western media that everything nowadays is awsome, well the truth is it’s not. The internet is a great tool, yet has taken over the planet and seemingly everbodies lives, social media..?? say no more about the damage that does, music made on computers and having no human ‘feel or soul’ comedy is practically dead because whatever you say you will ‘offend’ somebody somewhere on the planet, can’t buy a house or flat (apartment) unless you are already wealthy, cant afford rent because of house prices, and property has become an ‘industry’…. I could go on and on and on.
The past had many many issues, but on the flip side there are actually a few things that are better nowadays such as better understanding of mental health for arguments sake, but generally if you go back thirty years or more ago, life was much much eaiser in many respects, such as an average working man could buy somewhere to live, jobs were generally full time and permanent, there wasn’t so much pressure on people to be ‘perfect’ as there is now with the ‘self help’ industry. In saying all of this I can fully understand that anybody over say… 45yrs..? would look back with nostalgic eyes on how life used to be, although it obviously can effect how you live and potentially thrive in the present. The big problem is that the future just looks so grim, bleak, and depressing.
Thirty years ago we’d still have the cold war, before that, Vietnam, before that, World wars, before that…. you get the picture. At any given point in time at some place in the world some people are going through hardship, in another, people are doing okay. The world is a pretty balanced place in this way. Written as someone over 45, and many people do not look back to the past only, but are very focussed on the present and future. What we are seeing here, in all honesty, has nothing at all to do with the past or the future or anyone else. It has only to do with your thinking. Not you, your thinking. You are not your thoughts, believe it or not. What you are showing is strong signs of what are called ‘cognitive distortions’ http://bit.ly/cognitivedistortionlist. It basically means your mind is stuck in an addictive pattern of negative thinking that is like a rut you can’t get out of, that creates a parallel reality you believe is the ‘real truth’ when it’s far from it. Instead it keeps one in a limited perspective that blocks everything out. It’s guaranteed to lead right to depression and often loneliness. But you can get out of it, and change your thinking, in fact there is a short term form of therapy that focuses on just that called CBT. FYI, we have no interest in anyone being perfect. Being human is messy. We are all messy. And there is nothing wrong with that. We all of us have days we think the earth is the worst place to be, and that’s okay to. What isn’t so great is being so stuck in that mindset you can’t get out and it’s making you miserable. Often this comes from the ways we were raised, or childhood trauma, or from cognitive differences. It’s not our fault. It’s just that our brain is ‘stuck’. In that case, reaching out for support is a super idea, as these things can very much be helped and changed. Best, HT.
Lately I have been struggling really bad with missing the past & wondering how it got taken so fast? At the beginning of 2020 when I turned 18 me & my best friend decided to pack up our things in my car & move states to live with my grandma in New Mexico. I was struggling pretty bad mentally & getting into arguments with my family a lot so I thought it was the best thing for me to get away & find myself. It worked moving out there was the best decision of my life. I immediately felt in place, I got a new job my first week out there & got a membership at the gym right across the street from us. Experiencing all the new places, different culture, new people etc. was amazing & surreal. New Mexico was beautiful! & experiencing it all with my best friend by my side 24/7 made it even better. I was going to the gym every single day it was my happy place I couldn’t go a day without it! Pretty soon I was putting on a lot of muscle & getting pretty big! I had a good schedule & following a strict eating plan everyday! I was in the best physical shape of my life but not just physical, mental too. I had never felt better ever! I was on top of the world felt amazing in every aspect. Always had energy just shooting out of bed right when the sun would come up ready to start my day. Everything in my life was amazing, the relationship with my family too. Me & my best friend were actually happy, experiencing real joy and confidence something I’d never felt before. Everyday was a good day. Me & him would get up eat a protein filled breakfast while sitting out on the beautiful porch that over-looked the city then head to the gym for 2 hours & after the workout relax in the sauna or hot tub! Then we would head home shower and go explore New Mexico some more! We were always having a blast, it was like that everyday for about a year. Then out of nowhere things started going down hill, my best friend randomly asked me to take him to the airport so he could move to Vegas, I was confused because it was random but I did it. After that I got a job at Amazon working 12-15 hour shifts, stopped going to the gym because I never had time or energy. Stopped leaving the house didn’t do anything but work & sleep. I lost contact with my best friend, then I decided to pack up my stuff and move back to Utah with my family because I was feeling horrible. After a little while in Utah I heard from my best friend for the first time since he left & I found out he ended up getting hooked on drugs out in Vegas. I only hear from him every few months when he gets sober for a second & needs something, I’ve tried helping him but he just went right back to it. Anyway it’s been a year now since I moved back to Utah & nothing has gotten better I still feel horrible, honestly worse now. All of my days are just constantly missing New Mexico & how life felt when I moved out there. I miss the person I was too, felt like the best version of myself & so driven to keep achieving. How did it all go bad so fast? Maybe if I would of done things differently i would still be living that life. I just constantly want to go back so bad & re-live it all and do it differently so it didn’t end. I don’t know how it all got messed up. Nothings the same and I feel so depressed always. No energy or motivation for anything, it’s hard to just get out of bed. All I want is to go back.
A few days after Christmas I started to feel really sad and sentimental about my three children getting older. I have a almost 14 and 15 year old and one that has just gone 7 and it probably sounds stupid but I keep worrying about how long i have left before my youngest stops believing in santa and all our traditions have to change, how much longer will my youngest want to do Arts and crafts, enjoy his toys, go to the park etc. I worry how much longer my older two will want to spend time with me and all of us as a family and then I worry about them moving out and my eldest who’s autistic not being able to cope or being lonley. I worry that one day they may not want to bother with me again and just go about there lives, and it’s really starting to upset me and it’s difficult to not think about it on a daily basis and look back on old photos reminiscing and wanting to turn back the clock to when they were all younger. I am a very emotional person but not normally this bad, this usually gets me when they are about to move up a year at school. I can’t seem to stop worrying and it’s starting to take over my day.