The Psychology of Heartbreak and How it Can Help You
by Andrea M. Darcy
Heartbreak can feel like being run over by a giant lorry as you’re riding a roller coaster. It gives you highs, lows, and leaves you utterly knocked out no matter how much you tell yourself to ‘just get over it’.
But why is it that heartbreak is so hard to recover from? Does it cause actual fatigue and physical symptoms, or are you imagining that? And why can a breakup feel so bad if you didn’t even enjoy the actual relationship?
By looking at the psychology of heartbreak you can find answers to all of these questions, and better yet, you can discover practical tactics to more effectively manage when your heart takes a hit.
The 5 Things You Need to Know About Heartbreak and Your Mind
1. For your brain, coming through heartbreak is like coming off of drugs.
We all want to think of love as an emotion. But when researchers looked at the brain in love they discovered that, while love triggers emotions, it is actually more of a ‘motivational state’. The researchers used magnetic resonance imaging to study the brains of 15 men and women who claimed to be very much in love and found activation in the part of the brain connected with gains, losses, cravings and regulation of emotions.
In other words, the brain creates love to get what it wants. What it wants is the object of affection, so it manufactures love to motivate you to deliver its desire.
The same researchers discovered it didn’t matter if the person was no longer happily in love but was in the throes of a breakup and feeling terrible. Their brain was still in motivation mode and the neurons still expected a reward.
And the really interesting thing is that this part of the brain, which works around gains, losses, and cravings, is the same part of the brain that lights up when someone is a cocaine addict. So both when we are in love and when we are fresh from a breakup, we are essentially like a drug addict.
TAKEAWAY TIP: When you are in the throes of heartbreak you are as logical as a drug addict coming clean. So while usually it’s important to trust that you know what is best for you, heartbreak is one of the times you might want to trust your family and good friends. If they say it’s not a good idea to call the ex, it probably isn’t.
Also, find support. Like coming off drugs, breaking away from a relationship is hard, and we all need a ‘you can do it’ team as we go.
2. Heartbreak makes your mind an extremist.
As evolutionary psychologists are fond of pointing out, our brains are slow developers that are still caveman-like in their programming. So when we experience a stressful situation like a heartbreak, our brain sends out a ‘fight or flight’ signal, as if we are about to be killed if we don’t react.
One of these fight or flight mechanisms is what is known as ‘black and white thinking’ also called ‘all-or-nothing thinking’ or ‘splitting’). Black and white thinking is when we only see things in extremes. Way back in prehistoric times, this helped our brain in times when uncertainty would up our chances of getting killed and we needed to run away, not ponder the options.
Nowadays black and white thinking is less a lifesaver, and more a source of drama. For example, if we know we need to leave a job we are in and it is stressing us out, we might think, ‘if I leave this job I will never find anything else, and if I stay I will be miserable forever’. When it comes to heartbreak, the options we see might be ‘I will never find love again’ and ‘I am going to date every person who asks me from now on as I don’t care’, or ‘she was the best person I ever dated’ to ‘she is the most evil person walking the planet and ruined my life’.
The problem with this sort of extreme thinking is that not only do we miss out on the myriad other realistic options available to us, but we increase our chances of depression. Black and white thinking leaves us on a cycle of highs and lows because it is very emotionally stimulating when we think this way.
TAKEAWAY TIP: If you can start to spot your extreme thinking, you can start to even out your moods. Watch out for extreme words, such as always, never, the best, the worst. When you catch yourself using such statements, take a moment to look at your thought. Ask yourself, is it realistic? What proof do I have to support this statement?And what might a more balanced thought look like?
You might also want to try a round of CBT therapy which specialises in helping you notice your extreme thoughts (which CBT therapists call ‘cognitive distortions’) in place of more balanced and useful thinking.
3. You are less able to tell the truth about what has happened then you think.
We all like to think we remember things exactly as they are. And yet research done at the University of California has proven that even those of us with photographic memories don’t remember things perfectly. It seems our minds can easily be fooled into thinking we remember something we actually didn’t and distorting truth.
So it’s bad enough that left to its own devices your brain wants to tell tall tales. What about when we are under a lot of stress, like when a relationship crashes and burns?
Stress hormones will promote your building of negative memories. A very recent study at the Arizona State University showed that the hormones norepinephrine and cortisol, released by the brain when we experience stress, cause us to focus on and build negative memories while ignoring the positive side to our experiences. (The study was, admittedly, only done on women, who in studies are shown to be more likely to experience shock from traumatic experiences).
TAKEAWAY TIP: Part of heartbreak is the inevitable ‘rehashing’ about the relationship to anyone who will listen. Not only does it cause us to re-experience the pain of the breakup, it can become a ‘story’ we are addicted to telling, and one that is scientifically unlikely to even be true. When you hear yourself going through the details of the relationship again in a negative way, try to remember one postive for every negative.
And consider talking to a counsellor and psychotherapist who can support you in telling the story in a way that helps you heal and move on. Sometimes friends, despite best intentions, sympathise and encourage our negativity and righteous indignation and send you on a spiral of upset before you know it.
4. The psychological ‘snowball effect’ can knock you over.
Have you ever been with someone you weren’t sure you were in love with, broke up with them, then suddenly been totally devastated and heartbroken?
You were probably left wondering, why you were so upset, even as you were unable to control your sadness.
If so, you’ve been the victim of a ‘psychological snowball’.
Trauma in the present often triggers repressed traumas from your past. Even if you are not consciously aware that these old traumas are being released, you will feel it, via really overwhelming feelings of sadness and despair. The little snowball of heartbreak rolls into a big boulder of a snowball before you know it.
TAKEAWAY TIP: Monitor your emotions. Do they fit the crime? Or are you incredibly depressed over breaking up with someone you only knew for a month? If your emotional response seems a mismatch, then it’s likely you are being triggered.
Try journalling, a great way of creating a relaxed space for the mind to reveal its hidden depths.
Sometimes, if you’re really triggered, it is time to talk to a professional. It’s amazing how sitting in a room with an empathic stranger can have us suddenly unloading experiences we had forgotten happened, as if the very process of committing to seeking help and finding a safe environment acts like a magnet to pull out what is really bothering us. Also, overreaction to relationship breakups can be a sign of Borderline personality disorder, which a professional could spot and help you with.
5. Heartbreak can trigger psychological shock, a very real condition.
Heartbreak, like any other trauma, can put you into psychological shock, also called ’emotional shock’ and ‘acute stress reaction’.
And emotional shock doesn’t just cause anxiety, fear and a sense of unreality. It also comes with a host of possible physical symptoms, including but not limited to sleeplessness, a racing heart, headaches, stomach upset, muscle tension, and random physical aches and pains (read more in our article 7 Warning Signs of Emotional Shock). So yes, love really can hurt, when we have to let it go and need to move on.
TAKEAWAY TIP: Read up on emotional shock so you can spot the symptoms. And give yourself a break; you really are tired and unwell, it’s not in your head. Again, don’t expect big things of yourself or make big decisions, but focus on good self-care. And drop the deadline to ‘get over it’. Shock comes in cycles, much like bereavement, and it’s best to accept it can take some time to feel better.
Have you experienced any of the above with a breakup? Have something more to say about the psychology of heartbreak? Do share below, we love hearing from you.
Andrea M. Darcy is a health and lifestyles writer and author, content consultant, and coach. Find her @am_darcy
It really helped me
Good to hear that.
Amazing article!
Thank you!
Knowing how the brain functions after love and the chemical reactions surrounding it helps me a lot. I know memory is not reliable but I trust it. But, thanks to reading this i know I have to stop.
Very helpful article, it help me to better understand myself. Thanx.
Glad to hear it!
Yes, we all tend to romanticise… while sorting out the past is of course important, when it comes to breaking free of an unsupportive relationship it can be most helpful to focus on the present and future, and how you can best take care of yourself.
hello! i am doing a research on the psychology of heartbreak for our psych class, and i’d like to base some of the details in my report from this column. would that be fine? i’ll be giving credit where credit is due, as this report will be in a form of an infographic.
hope to hear from you. thank you.
Yes, that’s fine, we like to help spread good information.
Reassuring to have an experience I relate to described in simple, non-judgemental words. I’ve read hundreds of websites and am seeing a psychotherapist. But it is very hard to allow myself permission to hurt.
We are glad that you found it useful. It’s interesting, the word permission. Is this word something you’ve explored with your psychotherapist?
Finally understand how I could not
Remember the man I love, or the closeness & effortless understanding
We shared b4 suffering psychological
Amnesia. It took over 40yrs. The sad news is..I am afraid to contact him for fear of rejection, which would be entirely justified. My behaviour towards him was so hurtful.
It sounds like you have been an awful lot. I would say that you deserve to forgive yourself for what has happened in the past. We all do things we wish we hadn’t, each and every one of us, and we can’t live without at some point hurting others. It’s part of the human experience and how we grow as people. What matters now is finding new ways to feel good about yourself and connect to others, ways that work for you now, in this moment, as opposed to in a past you can’t change. We hope you make the effort as you deserve to feel loved and accepted for who you are.
Thanks so much for providing individuals with an exceptionally splendid opportunity to read critical reviews from here. I just like the caring information you provide to your articles. Thank You!
Glad they help.
It was great to read this article. My ex and I were classic anxious- avoidant pair. And while we deeply cared for each other, the day to day was very hard and I finally walked away. Now all I want is to talk to him one more time. Sit in the park one more time, one more dinner and so on. It’s still really fresh but reading about the drug like High helps me put in perspective what is actually happening in my brain chemically. Also, I have the opposite problem as listed. While in the relationship I focused on the bad but now I am romanticizing the good. It was also useful to read about the shock coming in waves. Helpful read.
Hi Neha, it’s very common to romanticise a relationship once it is over. If it helps, write out a list of what wasn’t working you can use to keep your grounded. If you feel there is an addictive element going on, consider if several weeks of zero contact might be best for you. And if you really can’t stop obsessing after a month or so, do consider counselling. These types of relationship patterns are usually rooted in childhood experience, and support is often needed to work them through.
I have learnt new things . Thank you
Good to hear!
I did learn new things and the best part was how there’s focus on positivity and logic because, as explained in the article, we lose rationality because we act and think in extremes.
The only problem with me is that I don’t want to move on! I want to love the person forever(I’ve been dumped and he instantly got involved with someone else which makes me insecure even when I don’t want to be), and be happy and be a part of his happiness, not expecting anything, but still being able to love him as I always did.
Hi Saumya, and is that really ‘love’? To try to force someone who has treated you badly to care about your existence? An interesting question to think about. We’d suggest you do some research around codependency. And consider counselling. Often, when we are in this kind of ‘love’ pattern where we devote ourselves to loving people who don’t love us back, it stems from a childhood where we had a parent that did not offer us love easily and we had to ‘earn’ it, such as by always being a good child. Or we had a parent who actually wasn’t kind or even a good person, and as adults we turn that into loving other people who aren’t good to us as if somehow that can prove to our unconscious mind our parent was ok after all. These are deep rooted issues best looked at with the support of a trained professional. Hope that helps.
My experience wasn’t mentioned. First thing to know is yes he was married and had 2 younger kids but everyone was honest with each other. She did all those little things girls do like it took 2 weeks just to hold her hand etc. we shared secrets about each others families that nobody knew. She said “I love you” first. Said she wanted to have my baby and get married. Promises of forever and never hurting one another etc. after 6 months in a loving great romantic laughing , best friends.. I had a new job and text me that events had been going on behind my back and she was giving her marriage another try. We tried being friends but I was too emotional to be. It’s been 8 years so I go out with her niece who is the same age anyway she laughed like her her voice and even sex was exactly like her. At first I thought I was falling for her vowed my love to her and she did the right thing and cut me off. Then all at once all the memories came to the surface I had a knot in my stomach couldn’t sleep and balled my eyes out for 3 days. Listening to any love songs forget it I couldn’t control myself at all. And I never hated her I still love her even when she eventually divorced him and recently got married, nice slap in the face.
Hi Eric, you say ‘yes she was married’ as if it is of little consequence. The question here is, what made you think all you deserved was a hidden relationship with a married woman if what you want is evidently a real loving relationship? And what then makes you then just brush that away of little consequence in favour of turning this into a victim story? The truth is something in you CHOSE this experience, as a grown man with choice. The moment you accept that responsibility and decide to face that you need to look at what causes this sort of poor choice, and seek support to truly go deep as to the causes, which will likely be patterns learned in childhood? Is the moment things will change. Until then, you will likely continue to choose and attract experiences that you can use to continue the victim story. We think you deserve better then spending your life building castles on sand, don’t you? Good luck.
These are good words to read. and can relate to most of the stated experiences.
I am 70 but a very young and active 70 year old. I have been with the same man for 22 years. We never lived together but were together .Lots of good times and family events kids and growing up and weddings and funerals vacations etc.
2years ago my youngest son age 38 moved in to my family room as he was suffering from severe depression drug addiction and a nasty divorce. He is on the road to recovery as of this past July. My significant other does not understand depression and to make a long story short did not understand my handling of the situation. I could never talk to him about my concerns or heartbreak about my son. but i tried to always put on a happy face and just stopped speaking about my sons issues . My grandchildren were at my house quite . often because they wanted to be with their Dad.
In March he just stopped talking to me , no answer to texts or phone calls and finally sent me a text that he was staying away because he wanted to. He really just disappeared out of our lives. Its been 5 months and no contact. i am so very sad. i cry all the time . i dont know why except that he just didn’t want to deal with my son but he really did not deal with him. i admit it certainly cut into our time together but i could never turn my back on my son. i cant eat or sleep and its exhausting to put on a happy face. I miss the family and him and the things we did together. He is only 61 and recently retired so i assume he just wants to do his own thing which i never stopped him from doing. But at this age it is scary and sad to think i will not ever be with him. i am so afraid to just go visit him. i guess i don’t want to “hear” the words that there is no chance of getting back . they are being said without sound i believe
Gosh Vicki it sounds tremendously hard and like you are dealing with so much at once. His timing was very unfortunate as he bailed when you needed him most and in a most immature way. Some people simply aren’t able to handle real life, sometimes it’s as they are hiding from things from their own life. It’s easy to spend a lifetime avoiding our own ‘stuff’ if we simply avoid anyone else dealing with theirs that might remind us of ours, so to speak…. and sometimes it’s just that people are high on selfish traits. There are certainly few red flags in your story. For example, that for 22 years you never got beyond what sounds like dating. Was that really all you wanted? Or did you settle for it as it’s what he wanted? Or that you don’t feel you can ever talk to him, or have to be inauthentic around him, putting on a ‘happy’ face, in others words not able to be yourself. Or feeling guilty it ‘cut into your time together’. You certainly should not feel guilty for that!! If anything a supportive healthy partnership would see the other offering to help in what ways they could. Was he ever properly there for you in the last 22 years, if you are honest with yourself? Or was it only the good times he showed up for, like the weddings etc you mention? In summary, it’s all terrible timing. But we wonder if it’s a time to just focus on you. For once in your life to put yourself first when it sounds like you are always taking care of and accommodating everyone else’s needs first. You also sound like you could use some support. Is there anyone you really can talk to? Or would you consider some counselling? It can be a great relief to talk to and unload with someone unbiased who understands and can help. As for being 70, we definitely see clients make major breakthroughs or find new relationships over 70, so please do not feel that this is any sort of end. It could indeed be a beginning of something far better just around the corner and a chance to realise what you are truly worthy of. Best, HT.
Thanks for your informative reply. I am a retired social worker so i tried to understand others feelings and ways of dealing with life’s events.
IN 22 years we spoke of marriage but neither one really wanted it . we were together most of the time and almost never argued about anything. We both liked our space and i really was not into raising his son who is now in his 20s.
i have been married twice and really didnt want to be married. he was always there for me . we had lots of good times BUT every so often he would get mad about something and it was usually something insignificant and NOT talk to me for weeks. i usually just let it go and he would apologize and beg to come back and in 2016 we talked and agreed that he would talk to me about things that were bothering him and visa versa and not just disappear.
But when this started with my son he was supportive for a long time but then my son was NOT getting better and i was increasingly upset so yes he did not want to see me like that or hear why i was in such a state. you are correct that i couldn’t be myself and thought what kind of a relationship is this any more. but the good seemed to out way the bad.
My friends all tell me to keep busy and take care of myself but i dont really know what or how to do that??? I wish I could be mad instead of sad at him . HOw do i do that???
The thought of him with another makes me actually throw up. i dont want to start all over with someone new i guess. I tried some dating sites but hey all seem weird to me so i deactivated all of them.
I am seeing a counselor now and she suggested this site. She lets me talk and makes me feel normal. i have my grandkids (age 12 and 7)here quite often so i have to put on a happy face and i dont think i want him back. how could i ever be with him again? i just miss him or maybe i miss what we did together . i dont know what i want except to quit being so sad about it.
i want to put his clothes and all the stuff he has here on his porch but i dont want to see him.
If i have driven by his house on my way home and i see him on his porch i get gut wrenching hurtful pain right down to my finger tips.
i know its stupid .but i just cant get past it the feeling. i try not to drive past his house
He is a real friendly guy. Most people really like him . he is a “home town” country boy but he is one of those people that its his way or no way.
Thank you so much for your wise words
i am so thankful my son is better and i guess i would rather feel sad about this than my son.
First of all, nothing about this is stupid. All completely normal reactions. Breakups are traumatic and take a lot of time to recuperate from. Sounds like you are basically grieving – give a google for our article on grieving and we think you’ll recognise the symptoms. And the one thing that helps grief is simply time and acceptance. Taking each wave of emotion as it is, not judging it or yourself. Sounds like you are taking great steps. Seeing a counsellor, speaking with friends, keeping busy. An interesting technique to try is to first promise to rip it up after (this allows your unconscious mind to feel free) then to write out a letter to him, all the things you want to say, without any editing, or no matter how crazy it sounds, scrawling things out as fast as you can. Each time you feel the anger or sadness come, try this. And then do rip away after (it can be extremely satisfying). It can help get out the overwhelming feeling, and it means that if/when he does crawl around to talk, you will be less prone to blurt out things in your unconscious and will be more steady and sure of what needs to be said. In the end sounds like you had a decent relationship with some communication problems. But here you are, and you can’t control his choice, nor does it seem you want to. So day by day, or minute by minute, at that! Best, HT.
Thank you very much for your response HT. I will try to adhere to the advice of course . i so want to talk to his son or even just go to his house or text him when i cant sleep and let him know i miss him but i refrain. I did write him a heartfelt letter a few weeks ago and asked to let me know if he wanted to talk . i just cant believe 22 years should just be discharged so easily but anyway he never responded to the letter.
I am truly grieving . Thank you for taking the time to respond. I will write all the things i want to say to him and tear it up for sure
minute by minute will maybe progress to day by day
Thank you
All I can say, thank you! Now, I understand that it was only in my brain 🧠 which I had all these traumatic experiences from broken hearted. I don’t need a physiologist. God can heal and He is in control of my life.
Glad to help!
I haven’t slept more than 3 hours a night in the past 2 weeks and my mind panic was building since July 17th, when my ex-told me we couldn’t talk anymore because it made her boyfriend uncomfortable.
What I am worried about now is getting my sleep back on track and letting go of the fear of insanity. I knew we had gone our separate ways but we had made the foolish promise that no one would come between our friendship. We had been good friends in nursing school before we started dating.
We separated at the beginning of the pandemic, which I thought was stupid, but she had already started sleeping with a poet I had introduced her to. So I calmly let her leave. For the first 3 months we talked a lot but the last time we say each others faces was a late night face-time where we wanted to get sensual but also wanted to respect her new boyfriend. That is one of my traumatic memories now. I keep thinking that was my last chance to tell her to give him up and come back.
However, it was month 5 of our separation, July 17th 2020, when she said we couldn’t talk anymore.
Then I went to a friends property and had to drive through her home town to get there. The next two days I was crying and in a panic. I thought I had gone schizophrenic due to talking to the ghost of her non-stop. A few days later I was fine. Then the voices started coming back. I didn’t seek help in time and over the next 3 months it got steadily worse. Finally, I had a let go plan and I promised to drop off a goodbye note and book at her place. I had the note and book in my hand, but I didn’t drop them off on the day I had planned because I misinterpreted some advice from a friend who asked why I was leaving a love note if I planned on letting her go. Yet it was more of an Orpheus style poem about our love and the reason I needed to hold onto it for awhile for my artistic endeavors, but that we would meet again. The day I was supposed to drop it off the winds and fires came, which I had actually written about in the letter. It was all so perfect and then I went home after work instead of dropping the note and book off. Ever since I have been trying to find a new way to find closure. Unfortunately, the opposite has happened and now I have created some undeniable trauma for myself because I tried to listen to my family and friends instead of just doing what I needed to do to let go.
Hi Jess. So believe it or not, we’d suggest this has nothing to do with your ex. And that it isn’t about one thing you didn’t or didn’t do, which would not really have changed much. But with a much bigger pattern of addictive relating, and with anxiety. You sound like you are currently suffering severe anxiety. We’d suggest you might want to learn about anxious attachment http://bit.ly/anxiousattachment and about relationship addiction https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/addictive-relationships.htm. Anxious attachment and relationship addiction come from childhood, and from the incorrect things we learned were ‘love’. In reality, love, and healthy relationships, involves none of this obsessive thinking and pain you are experiencing. See our guide to healthy relationships http://bit.ly/HTrelationshipguide. Finally, please seek support. Anxiety to the point you aren’t sleeping and are caught up in obsessive thinking (going over fine details again and again, for example, and convincing yourself everything hinges on one thing when it doesn’t) are to be taken seriously. See if your school has a counsellor you can talk to or offers free counselling, or call a free hotline for young people. If you are in the UK, you can also talk to your GP who will help you find free help. Otherwise there is always private counselling. The thing is to get that support. CBT therapy might be something to start with, it helps you recognise what thoughts are true and which ones are distortions, and how not to let your thoughts make you feel bad. It’s shown by research to lower anxiety. Best, HT.
This helps!
I’m in a very unique situation. I’m married with a son and a lovely wife. Along the line, in one of my many trips, I met this lady who became a true friend. We have had 15months of friendship and I have experienced love like I have never… I have been this detached person all my life, but suddenly, I find myself in one of those fairy tale love stories. This lady is about to get into a relationship of hers and that as been haunting me – That feeling of loosing her.
Everything I feel is so new and deep. I think I’m loosing my mind. I have accepted my fate, yet, the pain is excruciating and I don’t find it cool.
Hi Dave. So we don’t know you or your life, and we can’t tell anyone what to do, particularly based on a comment. What we can do is make observations. You have something stable, a wife and child, and you say the wife is lovely, so we are assuming you at least get along. You use the phrase ‘fairy tale love story’ but it’s clear this woman wants nothing more than friendship. This throws up some red flags as an observer. Particularly as you don’t mention what this friendship is based on. There is no mention of a shared project you are working on, for example. We’d imagine she knows full well you are in love with her. So what is she doing in this friendship, creating an intimacy so strong with a married man she has no intention of being in a relationship with to the point you are feeling like you are ‘losing your mind’. You are both adults, so you are both responsible for this situation. Sounds like you are using her as a distraction instead of working on intimacy in your real relationships. That’s on you. And note that it’s easier to be open with someone you deep down know is unavailable and takes far more courage to be available to the people we have to see every day. As for her, we don’t know her agenda. What we do know is that some people have this ‘losing my mind’ affect on many others, without consciously setting out to, sure, but deep down they know it. If we have a difficult childhood, we can learn ways of being to please and impress others, while our real self is very deeply hidden, even to ourselves. As adults, women who suffer from this kind of ‘being what others want’ can be very charming, be masters of intense conversations, of having closed people open up to them, have many admirers, because deep down they need that attention because without it they don’t know who they are. In a way they take others energy to survive. In summary, you say you have always been detached. What concerns us is that you have just accepted this. As if it’s okay. To live a life where you are always disconnected from others and from yourself, really. We’d suggest there are probably issues from your past that have made healthy connection hard. And that the answer is to seek some support, a therapist, to look at what this issues are and what can be done to resolve them. And to learn what love really is and isn’t (we are afraid ‘fairy tale love’ is not it, it’s instead usually more just addictive, unhealthy forms of connection over actual love). We’d suggest you seek that support sooner rather than later, as this woman is having a destabilising affect on you that as you say is getting worse now she is about to go off into a relationship with someone. Best, HT.
Thank you for putting this out there. I agree with your opinion and I hope more people would come to agree with this as well.
Thanks Lynn!
am going through a serious heartbreak i had it in April last year its funny i fell in love with my wife’s sister and she fell in love with me too we had romantic times elevating moments but she has always been hesitant towards it citing her reasons as we cant get married that even if i divorce her sister she still cant marry me because of the relationship as a sister to my wife more than 4 times she had call or text me that she cant say yes to my relationship proposal and finally something happened my wife got a clue about us and her sister immediately withdraw from me and initiated no physical contact and extreme limited calls for like 4months i was so devasted even when u knew such relationship am asking for would be difficult i still love her and thinks she is the best woman for me and desire her but she has moved on and dont want to even be reminded of the little romance and feeling we shared i need to be free and move on cause its affecting me but though i still see her and hang out with her and she always comes to our place to visit her sister and i still share closeness with her
thanks amano