What is a Sociopath? (And Why So Many Use the Term Incorrectly)
Dr. Sheri Jacobson
March 7, 2023
By: JD Hancock
by Andrea M. Darcy
According to social media and the internet, it would seem that nowadays, everyone’s boss and ex is a sociopath.
But what is a sociopath, really? Are you using the term correctly?
What is a sociopath, really?
Sociopathy is not an illness you can find under a microscope. Like all mental health labels, it is a term created and used to explain a group of behaviours occurring together in one individual.
Nor is ‘sociopath’ actually a proper medical diagnosis. While you can have ‘sociopathic traits’, the diagnosis that most of those with such traits are given is that of antisocial personality disorder.
Antisocial personality disorder
A personality disorder means that an individual constantly behaves in ways that are outside the cultural norm. Their behaviours and ways of seeing affect all areas of their life, and would have been present since at least early adulthood.
Antisocial personality disorder means an individual consistently manipulates, violates, and exploits others.
The diagnostic criteria for this disorder vary depending on what diagnostic guide you are using.
But in general, someone with antisocial personality disorder will have some of the following symptoms (note not all are required for a diagnosis):
- no concern at all for the feelings of others
- unable to feel empathy even if they hurt others or witness suffering
- disregard social norms, rules, obligations, and the law
- do not experience guilt or learn from punishment
- do not take responsibility for their actions
- can establish relationships quickly, but cannot maintain them or have intimacy
- very low level of patience – can become aggressive, cruel or violent easily
- driven by a need for personal gratification, pleasure, and power
- very prone to blaming others for any conflict they create
- extremely dishonest and tell stories
- prone to impulsive and risky behaviour, no sense of danger.
[Read our article on antisocial personality disorder for a more thorough overview.]
But aren’t sociopaths were more sophisticated than that?
By: Riley Kaminer
Perhaps one of the reasons antisocial personality disorder and sociopathy are assumed to be different is because we see ASPD as something street criminals have, but associate sociopathy with a slick man in a suit. (More common in males, it should be noted females can of course have the disorder, too).
Remember, to classify as having antisocial behaviour disorder you do not need all traits, just some. And these symptoms can manifest differently depending on the personality and intelligence of the person in question.
The variation of personality types who have antisocial behaviour has led to such terms as ‘high functioning sociopath’, the sort who has a successful career sadly made possible by their lack of remorse and ability to manipulate.
Sociopath or Psychopath?
‘Psychopathy’ is again not an official ‘diagnosis’. The World Health Organisation’s diagnostic manual the ICD-10 includes it under antisocial personality disorder, and America’s latest version of its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) mentions an alternative model of ASPD ‘with psychopathic features’.
There is disagreement even in the medical community over the difference between sociopathic traits and psychopathic traits. But in general a psychopath is seen as having an even bolder personality, with negligible levels of inhibition accompanied with almost no stress and fear. So while a sociopath might have a tiny bit of conscience and know things are wrong but not be able to stop him or herself, a psychopath lacks a moral compass entirely.
Sociopathy vs Narcissism
The popularity of the term ‘sociopath’ might be helped by a confusion between narcissism and sociopathy.
On the surface these types of people can appear similar. Both narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder involve:
- high levels of charm
- low levels of empathy
- manipulation, control, deceit
- expecting others to bend to your will.
By: CHRIS DRUMM
But those with narcissistic personality disorder are at heart extremely insecure with a great need for attention, and they do have access to feelings and guilt (and therefore can be helped by therapy).
Someone with antisocial personality disorder doesn’t question him or herself, and doesn’t care at all what others think of them.
So how to tell if your arrogant, thoughtless ex or boss has sociopathic or narcissistic traits? For starters, look for how they respond to criticism. A narcissist hates criticism because it attacks their severely low self worth. They respond strongly, either with harsher criticism in return, or rejection. A sociopath isn’t affected by your criticism. They don’t care what anyone thinks. Of course, if it suits their goals, they can ‘pretend’ to care.
How does someone end up a sociopath?
It’s not entirely understood how personality disorders develop, but it’s most likely a blend of genetic and environmental factors.
Say, for example, two twins are born with a genetic predisposition to be sociopathic. Separated at birth, one grows up in a violent household lacking affection, the other is loved and supported. While they both might still end up sociopaths, there is more of a chance the one who grew up around violence would.
How many people are actually sociopaths?
Sociopaths evidently don’t come forward to be counted. So any number is merely an educated guess.
The popular book ‘the Sociopath Next Door’ suggest the number is four per cent, but the DSM-V suggests it’s between .02 per cent to 3.3 per cent. So saying that it’s around two per cent of the population is a fair guess.
Prison populations are a different story – it’s suggested up to one in five inmates have antisocial personalities and are sociopathic or psychopathic.
So back to your ‘sociopathic’ ex and boss . With such statistics it’s highly unlikely (although possible) that all your exes and previous employers are sociopaths.
And if you find that you are calling everyone who upsets you a sociopath? It might be possible, given the main symptom of leaving you unable to relate well to others, that you have some form of personality disorder yourself. (See our comprehensive Guide to Personality Disorders if you are curious).
Andrea M. Darcy is a health and wellbeing writer as well as mentor, with training in counselling and coaching. Find her on Instagram @am_darcy
My 32 year old son , I believe is a sociopath. He came from a good, regular family, & was the youngest child. Older children went to college, graduated. His father died of cancer when he was an adolescent & soon after, the troubles started. Acting out, juvenile probation, reckless behavior, not wanting to go to school while mom worked full time. He is perfectly plesant person to be around. Not confrontational, but very unreliable and untrustworthy. Flunked out of his freshman year & at the same time came out of the closet as a gay man. None of his family have a problem with this but it is his dark side…Craigs list hook-ups, indiscretions, . He has been to college two more times & put out no effort. Was arrested for a large pot possession, got 10 YEARS probation, violated the probation many times by not following the rules so went back to jail for 3 years. Got out, came to live with mom. Had random jobs which he always lost for some reason.Borrows money, never repays. Took family members things to the pawn shop for cash with no regret.Got his CDL license, had one job ^ was laid off. Never tells the truth about anything. Wrecked his truck & had an open container, which he knew was a violation of parole & expected more jail time. 2 weeks later totaled moms car while drunk driving & that is when mom asked him to leave. He now lives with a friend & doesnt communicate at all. He is a GOOD person but seems to have a death wish! What is the future for this man? What kind of therapy does he need?
Thank you for sharing this Lynn. We’d be vary wary of calling someone a sociopath without an official diagnosis. Losing a father at a young age can be extremely traumatic for some, and trauma alone can cause such disruptive behaviour. Deep pain can cause severe lashing out. The more we want to be love and understood, the more our pain causes rage and rebellion. And this young man might have had other traumatic experiences he is afraid to share about, or feel deeply unloved and rejected. So without knowing him, we wouldn’t give this diagnosis, there currently seem to many other variables. We can’t say what someone’s future is, that is up to them, but we do believe change is possible for most, including this man in question. As to whether he will go to therapy, well that is up to him. The only person we can take care of is ourselves, no matter how much we want to tell someone else what is wrong with them and what help they need. Sounds like boundaries have been set with this young man, which is appropriate. But, assuming this is your son, you do speak about him at a distance, and seem uncertain of how to let yourself feel. It’s a lot for any mother to go through, would you consider support yourself? Sometimes the best way we can help others is to help ourselves first. In closing, if you do decide to tell him to get help, it’s a tricky terrain, we’d recommend you read our article on telling loved ones they need support bit.ly/lovedonetherapy.
My ex-husband refers to me to our children and mutual friends as a sociopath, its very hurtful and degrading!
Firstly, I divorced him for unreasonable behaviour following 8 years of neglect in the form of separate rooms, no sex, no contact with his family, lost of mutual friends as he didn’t like going out or my choice of friends, I lost many friends for that reason and he didn’t spend anytime with me or our children spending his time either snorting cocaine or on his computer. he showed o concern for my cancer diagnosis and numerous operations afterwards and appeared not to careless.
Our children are now in there 20’s and all have minimal contact with him. But are very close to me. He says I’m also a sociopath because of doing their homework for them WTF the they were little.
I want to be accessed to see if I really am a sociopath I don’t think I am. Since remarrying a few years ago my life is beyond fabulous with a caring husband. My kids are happy and settled and our relationship is amazing.
Hi Millie, calling people a ‘sociopath’ has become a modern way to belittle someone. Unless your ex is a registered psychiatrist, how could he know? Given that sociopaths are about 4% of the population, and that if someone was a sociopath they wouldn’t care if someone called them one, we highly doubt you are one. We don’t, in fact, think that is the real issue here. We think the issue is, how does he still have this much power and control over you? We’d suggest that this, if anything, is what it would be worth talking to a therapist about. A counsellor or therapist could create a safe space for you to fully process the pain that the relationship caused and to start to process the bitterness such a relationship inevitably leaves us with. We wish you courage!
For a long time now, I’ve got a ‘real nasty piece of work’, local person constantly on my back. She stalks & uses others to harass me. She’s focuses a lot on spying on me. Finding ways how to weasel money out of me. And spreading lies & malicious gossip about me. Lately she tries to get others to bait & trap me into doing something wrong with the authorities. She doesn’t see she’s doing anything wrong. I’m told she talks about me all the time, blaming me for her discomfort, & especially if she doesn’t get the reactions she wants.
Hi there, we’d imagine this is a bigger story than just this, as you haven’t said why she has focused on you. So without knowing the full story, and what happened between you that she is now focused on you, we really can’t comment. Not seeing proof of being a sociopath in this comment to be honest, just proof of a long term dispute between two people that is out of control. Anger and unhealthy behaviours don’t make someone a sociopath, as explained by article. Regards, HT.
Spellbreaker,
Sociopath here, pleasure to meet you. While I imagine that all individuals, including sociopaths, are different—I can say that this individual’s actions run totally contrary to my way of thinking. Quite simply, even if this person’s goal was to pump money out of you (I have no such goals for people), this really seems like way more effort than a sociopath would be willing to go to.
I can’t imagine that this person would run around bad-mouthing you, and doing all of these other things, as they would seem antithetical to achieving the goals that you have suggested she has. It would make more sense, to me, just to kill you with kindness; that failing, move on to the next.
She definitely sounds like she is a mentally unwell individual. I hope that everything goes well for you and, by one mechanism or another, she eventually finds her way out of your hair.
Millie,
Seek out whatever care you feel like you should, but this doesn’t seem like sociopathic behavior whatsoever. You sound quite normal. I apologize that your former marriage was so unfortunate, but it does sound like you have a positive relationship with your kids, so at least something good came from it.
To Everyone Else:
I just want to say that, ‘We,’ not that we would actually see ourselves as some sort of collective, aren’t entirely bad. For my part, I’m very intelligent and funny…I just tend to lack in most other qualities typically seen as positive, such as motivation, drive and empathy. I try to understand people on an emotional level, I really do; I want to, but I can’t; it’s simply not in me. Part of the capacity for empathy, as far as I have read and can tell, is that you would have to relate to the other person on an emotional level—which I cannot do—because my emotions (with exception only to anger) are so muted compared to those of other people that, from your perspective, they might as well not exist.
I will say that it is a benefit, in some ways. For example, you could have some event that you might find highly troubling, stressful or even frightening, and while I will feel something, it barely moves my needle…unless it makes me angry.
Still, I would like to point out that some of us can sympathize with people. We can recognize when they are going through something that is very troubling, for them, even though it wouldn’t really bother us and we do, often, feel bad that such a thing has happened to them. We understand emotions on an academic level; we just don’t FEEL anything to the same extent that other people do. There are a few emotions, and it varies from one to another, that some of us don’t feel at all.
That’s all I have on that and I hope what I have said is an informative look. Thank you for reading and I wish you all a pleasant day. I should also say that I have no mental health degree, training, education…etc…etc…etc and am simply relating things from my perspective.